The story of me

Say exactly whats on your mind

2009-06-19T14:06:00.001-02:30

1. You & your ex?
which one

2. What are you listening to?
arseholes on the phone hammering on about bandwith (i dont even know what that is. why do i work here)

3. Maybe I should?
leave work early and go out in the 30 degree sunshine

4. I love?
It when I feel loved

5. I don't understand?
him.

6. I have lost my respect for?
him.

7. I last ate?
Rice cakes and cheese! mmmmmm

8. The meaning of my display name is?
I feel blue. And a little lonely.

IS YOUR / ARE YOU:

1. Is your hair wet?
no. my panties? yes. hehe (robyn)

2. Is your cell phone right by you?
wouldnt be anywhere else

3. Do you miss someone?
yes.

4. Are you wearing chap stick?
Just put on the blistex 3 seconds ago

5. Are you tired?
a little. been up since 6. Wouldnt turn down a nap (in the sun!)

6. Are you wearing pajamas?
i wish

7. Are you mad?
full of rage

8. Are you upset?
naw.

HAVE YOU:

1. Recently done anything you regret?
im beginning to think so

2. Ever lied?
Im sure I have. I dont try to though

3. Ever kicked someone?
Probably lol

4. Ever tripped over your own feet?
oh dear lord yes

TODAY HAVE YOU.

1. Have you cursed?
Its the rage i tell you..

2. Have you gotten mad at someone?
oh god yes. I am at work. there would be something wrong if I didnt have outbursts every few minutes

3. Who?
idiots

RANDOM.

Is there a person who is on your mind right now?
yes. a couple.

Do you have any siblings?
Yes

Do you want children?
sure. :-)

Do you like your handwriting?
sometimes

What color shirt are you wearing right now?
black

What were you doing at 7pm yesterday?
walkin the park

You can't wait till?
its baby time

What would you rather be called?
you can call me anything (as long as you dont call me late for supper!)

When did you cry last?
probably last night. And a little this morning. And a little on first break here at work haha

Are you the one of those kids that cut their hair by themselves when they were younger?
yes bahaha and I still do somethings (talk about thrify)

Have you ever had just b's on a report card?
lord no. Im more of a C, D kinda girl.

Ever buy one of those NOW cds from tv?
cant say that I have

Are you the kind of person who wears GIANT hoop earings?
hha no

Would you rather work a boring job, or a fast pace exhausting one?
who knows.

Can you be trusted with a fragile object ?
How long do i have to hold it for?

Ever almost get run over by a car?
oh im sure I have at some point

Do your parents have home videos from when you were a baby?
when we were kids.

Last person you fell asleep with?
ed

Last time you were really happy?
days and days and days and days ....

Ever skip class?
im sure I am

When do you want to die?
When I am too old to live

Marriage?
cant see it happening. I dont think im the marrying kind

Did you take a nap today?
wish I could right now!

Who got mad at you last?
probably ed

Last person who called you beautiful?
Its been a while...

What colour is your room ?
funny beige color

Where are your parents right now?
NB

Could you use some sleep right now?
I always can. I could sleep my life away!

Who did you last have lunch with?
i cant remember..

Does someone love you?
I dont think so. not love love.. havent felt loved loved in a while.

Remember the first time you kissed, the last person you kissed?
Yes I do. lol

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
dating?

Kissed someone that had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
i dont think so. I dont usually ask before i plant a big wet one

Are you ticklish?
my feet.

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
I thought I had butterflies a while ago. But i think it was just poop mullers.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
I sure would!

Whats on your bedroom floor?
not much on the floor!

Whens the next time you will kiss somebody?
Who knows. Theres someone I would like to kiss! just gotta make him fall in love with me first! hahah (its all part of a big wonderful plan.. ) haha

Does your ex have a job?
yes

How's your heart lately?
broken. blue. but still beating. what more could I ask for I guess.

Are you a jealous person?
I never was before now.

Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
if its raining out.

If your best friend liked your ex, what would you do?
giggle.

Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon?
sure can. I can blow anything.

Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
probably out banging bitches like usual

Do you bump into someone’s arm if you want to hold their hand?
?

Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
take em for a test run

Do you want any tattoos?
I have some already. but i want more. If someone else wants to pay :-)

Has a girl put their arm around you in the past 5 days?
goober has :-)

When's your birthday
March

What's the last thing you laughed at?
ummmm I dont know.

Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Goober

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
myself, probably (god thats sad)

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
If i could call in to work and tell them Ive been kidnapped

What color are your eyes?
blue

Who do you hate currently?
My situation.

While the man on the phone talks about smoking crack ..

2009-06-03T14:11:00.000-02:30

Longest relationship :
5+ years

Shortest relationship:
I had an almost sortve kinda relationship that lasted about 5 weeks

How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you said "i love you" to?
a few - but meant it every time!

Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt ?
why yes. Yes I have. But if it gotta hurt. If it doesnt hurt sometimes it isnt real!

Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry ?
Im sure I might have at some point.

Are you happier single or in a relationship?
In a relationship. I dont do lonely well (loves a bit of bed company!)

Have you ever had your heart broken ?
sure have.

Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Im sure I have along the way! (jeeze this is a sad little survey!)

Do you believe you are a good boyfriend/girlfriend?
I like to believe I am. Lord knows Im not perfect though (but im soooo close its scary)

Have you dated someone who was not good to you?
Nope.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance ?
I sure do.

Believe in love at first sight ?
naw. lust maybe. Maybe an urge to jump in their pants at first site haha maybe a glimps of possibility. but love? no.

Ever dated two people at once ?
nope. I dont exactly date a whole lot!

Do you want to get married ?
might as well. (shot gun wedding!) haha but seriously, at some point. sure. (i just want the ring and dress!)

Ever stolen someone's boyfriend or girlfriend ?
cant say that I have! (I dont want someones sloppy seconds!)

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?
Sure does.

Do you remember the person you first kissed ?
why yes. Yes I do. Wont ever forget her! hehe

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating ?
oh lord. Never cought mono from hugging, thats for sure
lol

Ever kissed an ex after you broke up ?
yes.

Have you kissed anyone in your top friends list ?
no top friends.

Kissed someone with a gf/bf that wasn't you ?
umm, I dont know.

Have you ever kissed someone you didn't like ?
someone i didnt know, perhaps haha (not that this has anything to do with anything, but sweet jesus the man sitting behind me smells so bad today i could vomit. I mean worse then norma.)

Did you answer these questions honnestly ?
No point in lyin

50 SECRETS ABOUT YOURSELF:

What is your natural hair color?
dark blonde

Where was your display pic taken?
I cant even remember what it is

What's your middle name?
hilda

Your current relationship status?
In one

Honestly, does your crush like you back ?
not crushin. Im hopin my boy likes me back hah who knows though! Im pretty hard to like sometimes!

What is your current mood?
Alright. Waiting on hold at work. Kinda gotta poop but thats minor.

What makes you happy?
other people being happy. Little tiny baby things. My friends (my one and only titty twin!) the boy ..

If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?
Not one thing! well, perhaps my eating habbits haha

If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?
oh god. A puppy.

Ever had a near death expeirence?
I dont remember

Something you do a lot?
irritate people.

What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
none.

Name someone with the same b-day as you?
robert G

Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
yes. Lord help me tonight

If you could have one super power what would it be?
to read peoples minds (with the option to turn it on or off)

What's the first thing(s) you notice about the opposite sex?
face, eyes, backs (yummy) clothes

What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Not a fan of starbicks

Whats your biggest secret?
ohhhh tricky tricky. Thought you were gonna get me to tell my secret, huh?

What's your faviorite color?
in clothes? black id say.

When was the last time you lied?
I try not to lie. Dont really have a reason too.

Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
nope. cant say that I do

What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
water. Just finished a low fat blueberry muffin (and it was wicked) FINALLY getting my mcdonalds fries tomorrow! THANK GOD. diein for them!

Do you speak any other language?
only the dirty words

What's your favorite smell?
moms cooking, ed, baby smell, sweet sweet cigarettes.. (ok not really cigarettes but I kinda want one right now)

If you could describe life in one word what would it be?
New

When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
Last night.

Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
This is the silliest question. I kiss in all kinds of weather

What are you thinking about right now?
That the man im talking to on the phone is a douche

What should you be doing?
being nice to this idiot. But its too hard. So I stopped trying

What was the last thing that made you upset?
Its not even worth talking about

How often do you go to church?
sometimes christmas. When someone dies. Would like to go to a nice church though. If I could find one.

Do you like working in the yard?
I dont even have a yard.

Name 5 things in your closet.
old clothes, blankets, little dresser thingie full of purses, (that counts as 2) basket of movies (woot another 2. thats 6 all together, you lucky ducks)

Do you act different around your crush?
Whats with all these questions about crushes lol (its kinda makin me thursty for pinapple crush)

Who was the last person you went to the movies with?
It has been so long i dont even remember! Gary, maybe?

What did you go see?
The curious case of benjamin button (I cant spell)

What did you do last summer?
Worked. Drank. Nothin too exciting really sticks out

What was the last thing you Drank/and when?
Water, Low fat blueberry muffin, about to have a salad and apple for lunch

So what do you have planned for next year?
Next year will be new and crazy! Who knows!

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Neverending happiness! (and a zillion dollars! But that seems unlikely haha)

Did you get anything off your chest today?
i just picked a hair off my sweater that was on the chest area. Does that count?

Have a best friend that knows you inside and out?
sure do. Thats my lady.

Have you ever been punched by the opposite sex?
yup

Do you like coke?
not at all. tastes like potatoe dirt to me (good lord, he STINKS! Shit.. )

Are you falling for anyone?
My boy is alright :-) Im gonna keep him around for a while!

What do you currently hear right now?
people all around me talking

What made you happy today?
Waking up in snuggles next to the boy. Knowin tomorrow is thursday and Im gettin me some fries (and today is ONE day closer to THE day!

Who is the first person you think of when someone asks you who you like?
myself! haha kidding. who i like? Id have to say probably the ol E dog

Who was the first person YOU (not one of you friends) told that you like them ?
what? i dont get this.

When you eat starbursts do you eat the red and pink ones first?
Dont usually eat them

What was the WORST thing that happened to you today?
Went to work

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
friendly, prehaps.

How many hours did you sleep last night?
LOTS! probably got about 9 hours for once!

Who was the last person to txt you?
Ed

Whos bed did you sleep in last night?
mine own

Where did you spend your weekend ?
oh lord. I dont even remember what I did last weekend

Who was the last person to get mad at you?
hah probably Ed

What did you last eat?
An apple that tasted like bounce sheets (what is with these eating questions.. sheesh)

Any plans for the weekend?
nope. Probably have the boys saturday night. Working really early saturday morning.

What are you looking forward to?
Whatever is to come

What usually causes your fights with your friends?
Dont usually fight with my friends

Do you have very strong opinions?
opinions are like assholes. everyone has one

Who was the last person you told you loved them?
mom

Who was the last person to tell you they loved you?
my mama

Are you a pushover?
When I dont have my sea legs on, i topple easy

Can you admit that you have faults in your personality?
Lord yes.

Do you feel sad when someone you don't know dies?
not usually. Maybe a little?

What do you think about our environment?
Its very enviromental

Do you bite your nails?
nope. Got pretty ones

Will you ever do one of these notes/quizes again?
i would say. Since these give me something to do at work

Eyes sooo tired ....

2009-04-25T14:54:00.000-02:30

Oh my god am I tired.
Im at work and my eyes are so heavy I could just close them forever. Theyre cross eyed and beggin to close. I cannot WAIT to get into bed tonight. Ill be going early too. sleep sleep sleep for a full night!
actually I wish I was off tomorrow.
If i was off tomorrow i could sleep for the ENTIRE day! I mean not leave the bed once!

I got the apartment sprayed today. The man thinks its bed bugs! *SHIVERS* but the thing about bed bugs is that its not just in the bed. Theyre attracted to the bed cause thats where you sleep and its warm and everything. they can climb up walls, in the carpet, couches, in corners of the floor, in the vents, in dressers and night stands..
VOMIT
So i took ALL my clothes and washed it last night!
actually I washed about 4 loads last night and ive got about 5 more to do tonight.
oh lord help me.
Im tired of laundry.
Im tired in general.

Im just tired!
Hopefully this takes care of it all though! gross me out.
I better not itch ANYMORE. and when i get home i have to take off all my clothes and wash it right away. And wash the towels. and wash everything.
Yikes.
Itll be nice when its all done though.
however.. the only good thing about itching is it feels REALLY good to get a good scratch! ReAlLy good. Like sometimes i sit and scratch and my eyes and half closed and rollin back and im moaning a little and just loving it!

omg this woman is stupid. At first she seemed pretty smart, talking about her wireless and her firefox. Now she cant type, cant spell, doesnt know what "enter" means, doesnt know how to do anything
Im like where the hell were you 5 minutes ago?

here is what I texted robyn a few minutes ago:

with toes all bound
despite the web
up on the later we marched
"off with their heads!"

they chanted and cursed
booze spillin out of their glasses
they smacked our face
and kicked our asses

no strangers to a fight
impossible to defeat
we put our hands up to surrender
and offer lady meat

lol
a while back (in fort mac years) I started texting her random messages, all rhyming. The weirdest things i could think of. almost like a never ending weird story. Havent done one for a while but im feelin quite creative today (all kinds of creative juices. All kinds of juices coming from my diddle!) gross. haha

So my TL quit today. She was awesome. It makes me very sad. we bought her flowers and a card and chocolates and we had a big ol team meeting. She had the loudest happiest laugh. She definitely made work enjoyable. :0(
wish I could quit!

Oh I got a ride to work on a motor cycle today! Ed gave me a ride. The motorcycle looked a lot bigger in his garage. When I saw it, however, i looked at the little tiny back seat and thought "my ass is definitely too big for that itty bitty seat" i got on all the same haha feels like im too heavy for it though. When we hit little bumps it made a silly sound and i was like oh dear lord, im gonna break the shocks! but she held. haha Thank god. Imagine, being so heavy you broke the shocks on a motorcycle! oh my nerves.

What a beautiful day today! its sunny and warm. Well, half way warm :-)
better then rain or snow haha

Anyway I suppose thats it for me for now. Im totally bored at work. Argh.
maybe Ill be a real estate agent.
Or a travel agent.
ohh or a hooker.
I could definitely be a hooker!

Hello Hello? (There is no place I cannot go)

2009-04-19T10:26:00.001-02:30

Its been a long long time. Im at work so I figured why not! Got nothing better to do really.

Im back at convergys. Back to where I was 4 years ago. 9 steps forward 837 back. It was weird coming back at first. Now its natural. Lord help me.
Im sick of it though. Sick of listening to little babies wine and bitch and complain cause their play station isn't working, because their internet is too slow because they had to wait 2 hours for a technician. Theyre convinced their routers are never the problem. Its a constant argument. Constant headache. wah wah wah Every call I get that comes in makes me angry on the inside. I feel myself loosing patience for no other reason other then they called in. And thats it.
I want a new job. I need a new life plan. I have no idea what I want to do.
This job just isnt cutting it.

I also need a new apartment. My apartment makes me itch. Ive ruled out every possible thing I can think of that would be the problem. Ive replaced every soap and cream and shampoo and detergant closed the old air vent thingies and even bed. I laid a white towel down on the floor (like dad told me) and watched it for 5 minutes to see if there were fleas jumping around. I croutched over that towel and staired till i went cross eyed and never saw anything. Ive replaced an entire bed! (someone told me it could be bed bugs and that made me go crazy. I would lie in bed and close my eyes and i swear i could feel a million little bugs crawl all over me! i would throw the sheets back and inspect the situation. Get the flashlight and shine it directly on the sheets, lookin for the creepy crawlers - none ever to be found) So i went the next day and got a new bed. Then the mattress were in my room, learned against the wardrobe. I swear I could hear the little bugs in there calling out to me at night and migrating their way over to my new comfy bed. (that and it was like a freakin obsticle course in my room with me ed and the dog trying to move around) so yesterday I got some man to come and hawl it all away for $25. (there goes the money for my new bedsheets for my nice new bed) haha all the same, eds mom gave me some sheets for the bed. Cute ones too. anyway Im still itching. Im at my wits ends. AND AND AND i have freakin beatles in my house! BEATLES! big black hard shell ones with a million freakin little legs and twiggle and wiggle and squirm!
Ive already found a few (and this is only april) they give me panic attacks. There was one on the floor last night, a live one all turned over, legs pointing at me goin every which way. I freaked out. Called mom.I was screaming my head off, shakin and gettin the shivers, didnt want to touch it.
Get a tissue! mom said
But then i gotta touch it with my fingers!
get the vacume!
there isnt enough time!
les you gotta get it
*scream scream scream* im moving!
get the vacume
its alive! its moving! oh god, oh gross
- at this point it starts making its way under the bed -
oh god.
shit.
what do I do?
I grab a sandal and start wackin it. All it does it bounce around and flop around on the carpet.
oh god
this thing wont die and i dont want to get too close to it.
oh god.
i grabbed an old phone bill envelope and scooped the half squat, legs still frailing about and ran to the bathroom holding the paper out as far as my arm would reach all the while on the phone with mom still screaming and squealing like a little girl.

Those things give me the willies.

Call:
ok please restart your computer
reboot it?
yes, restart it please.
thats gonna take a while
thats ok
you want me to shut it off?
no just restart it
you mean turn it off?
no, go into start, turn off and then restart
oh shut it down?
no... RESTART IT
ohh. how do I do that.

I get that at LEAST 10 times a day. I think it's my biggest pet peeve. Come on now. COME FREAKIN ON!

SAME FREAKING CALL:
I need you to disco from your router and make a direct connection
The router isnt the problem
ok but to go through any more troubleshooting we need a direct connection
thats an inconvienance
im sorry but we need a direct connection
what do i do
have the ethernet cable going from the modem directly into the computer
do you mean router
no the modem
you want me to plug the router in?
no. the MODEM.
into my computer?
yes
from the router?
no

I am going to lose my mind. No joke. If I dont get out of this place I am going to lose my mind.

Theyre really cracking down on people here. they have a team monitoring every call you make and calling them back for them to do a survey on you. One time beind rude on the phone and youre out the door. No questions asked. they are firing people left right and center. threatening people. Making people so nervous on the phones that they dont know what theyre aloud to say or what they should say. "zero tollerance" is their new policy. If you have anything less then a chipper tone towards the customer, thats it. If you say the wrong thing, your fired. People that have been here 7,8 and 9 years are terrified that theyre saying the wrong things. they spend 8 years saying the same things and now theyre afraid its all wrong. afraid to come to work and have your card disabled for no apparent reason. firing you without even calling you to tell you. letting you show up like an idiot at the door and not be able to get in.
Zero tollerance towards customers but treat employees like shit.

I want out.

I want out so bad I dread to come to work in the day.
Theres got to be some people who love their jobs. Some people who like getting dressed in the day to go to work. To wake up happy, looking forward to a day at work.
Who are these people? where do they work?
(and what drugs are they on lol)
for reals though.
Thats what I want.
I dont want this. I dont want to come here every day. I dont want to sit here for 8 hours and listen to idiots who dont know their assholes from a hole in the ground.
Theres gotta be something better for me.

This is a long post. I dont think I can change the color of the font anymore. (which makes me sad) The blue agains the black is hard on the eyes.
unlike myself - who is pretty darn easy on the eyes if I do say so myself!

Some words of Wisdom

2008-05-19T00:56:00.001-02:30

Youre gonna keep gettin hit with shit if you stand right in the middle of a shitstorm.

(move. change. breathe.CHANGE.move. )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hukbXX6bVqo&feature=related

Love Like That

2008-05-13T17:21:00.003-02:30

I remember when I owned everything
The sun and the moon and the rain
and my domain
stretched out yonder
on the astral planes

The universe is a toy in the mind of a boy
and life is a movie too
starring you
your whole family's the cast and crew
thats a little secret between God and you

but aint is strange how it all makes perfect sense
once your life becomes evidence
the need to feel
that love makes it more then real

because your mothers love might seem insane
it's cause she really knows everything
Too bad it takes so long
to see what you've been missing

Too bad it takes so long to see what you've been missing...

Cause the real is a construct
Its the raw nerves private zone
its the personal sunset
Your drive off into alone ...

oh christmas tree oh christmas tree!

2007-12-23T11:39:00.000-03:30

so it doesnt feel like christmas. im in mustgrave town and its alright though. i get to see my babies, so thats the best part.

its just me here this morning. mike took his mom to the hospital (leg problem) and it was just me and his dad here. his dad is gone out in the shed. probably to avoid the awkardness between me and him being here alone, god love him.
so im just here on the couch.
thank jesus i brought my laptop
why have i never thought of this before??
i dont know.
but thank the dirty jesus i got it now!

i am finished with school for christmas! - obviously. and finished with my Introduction to Computers section of the course.
dear sweet jesus that was rough. the first day, and im not kidding, we did definitions for things such as
computer
button
pointing device

then we learned what font was and how to use a mouse and what a keyboard was
LOL
it was unpleasent

i would sit back inclass and id lose my mind!
i would literatly pull out my hair and huff and puff and give frank the hardest of times. haha the poor man. Id be like FRANK! FRANK! IM GONNA THROW THIS COMPUTER OUT THE WINDOW! ARGH! FRANK.. FRANK!! IM GONNA SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FACE! haha
and just for a little excitement, when we did assignments i would staple every side of the assignment closed. hahah
he stand up and be like
LESLEY! you stapled your damn assignment shut again!

when youre as bored as i was you had to make your own entertainment. haha
anyway he got a little chuckle out of it, as did I. so its all good.

anyway i spose ill go on and straighten my hair.
thought i dont really know what for. walk outside and impress all the... wilderness?
perhaps the trees will whistle at me as i walk by?
i dont know.
fuck me right up the arse, i am bored. i guess it would be the same as if i were in town. i think that just becuase im so far away from everything, i feel even more bored.
like home i can drive 5 minutes at im at walmart. walk across the road and im at any gas station or tim hortins. here you have to drive over half an hour

BUT
it is a beautiful day
so im gonna go out and get some pictures!! im excited now..
its warm and sunny and all white. should be beautiful

hmmmm

2007-12-19T08:23:00.000-03:30

I have called you children
I have called you son
what is there to answer
if Im the only one

morning comes in paradise
morning comes in light
still I must obey
still I must invite

if there's anything to say
if there's anything to do
if there's any other way
I'll do anything for you

I was dressed embarrassment
I was dressed in wine
if you have a part of me
will you take your time?
even if I come back
even if I die...
is there some idea to replace my life?

like a father to impress...
(like a mothers mourning dress)
if I ever make a mess
I'll do anything for you

I have called you preacher
I have called you son
if you have a father or if you haven't one
I'll do anything for you

I'll do anything for you
I'll do anything for you
I'll do anything for you
*I'll do anything for you*
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you

I did everything for you

2007-12-12T09:31:00.000-03:30

Im in class. intro to computer. were learning what font is and how to use the arrow buttons.
oh my god.
this class is going to kill me. frank, the teacher of this course seems sweet and innocent. he wears cute sweaters and writes neatly on the white board.
he reminds me of the teachers on those classrooms/lessons on tv that come on early sunday morning on NTV and cbc.

my nails are long and in the way of my typing. sorry if im making a lot of mistakes. I am happy to report though that i am gettin my nails did today.

this class makes me want to shoot myself in the face.

ive been listenin to this lady sing since last night thanks to sheldon. michelle featherstone is her name... and the song coffee and cigarettes goes straight to my soul.
it somehow makes my insides hurt.

"I gave up on coffee and cigarettes
i hate to say it hasnt helped yet
i thought my problems would just dissipate
and all my pain would be in yesterday

i poured all my booze down the kitchen drain
and watch my bad habbits get flushed away
i thought that that would keep my head on straight
and all my pain would be in yesterday

but its true
im still blue
but i finally know what to do
i must quit
i must quit
you "

awww beautiful and honest and incrediably sad all at once.

i dont really have any funny stories to tell today. ive got my christmas shoppin all done. thank god. and i have successfully put myself so deep in the hole that i can barely burrow my self out.

we are all in class laughing and talking on msn. its silly. this class makes me restless. and almost giddy. thank god were in front of computers with the internet. :-)

i guess i should go and find something else to entertain me for a while.

frank just made a silly.
hes too cute.
he reminds me of Mr. Rogers.
tooo sweet with his cute little sweaters.

"i thought that if i didnt go and play
that the sadness would get board and go away
i thought that if i didnt go astray
that all my pain would be in yesterday.... "

Big girl (you are beautiful!)

2007-12-02T23:44:00.000-03:30

im sittin here on the edge of the bed eatin bugles. its 11:45 pm. mike is slightly snoring next to me. on his back with his face covered to hide the light. (as if he would be awake long enought for the light to bother him) hehe hes snores are slowly gettin louder and louder.
i think its almost time to roll him over.

thats my studly.

its stormy tonight. the lights have been flickering on and off since the last time they went out a couple hours ago. thank god for auto save!

so since my last update weve had 2 more mice. lord help me. weve upgraded from vacume to electric chair though. its this little black box that you put peanut butter inside and the mouse crawls in the little hole and goes to lick the peanut butter and the shocker pannels ZAP him and shocks him to death. quick and painless (or so i like to believe) all youve gotta do is sneek downstairs, open the door and dump him on the lawn :-)

today i finished the LAST of my christmas shopping! i got debs and tammys stuff sent off (sent it last week) and mom and dads suitcase is ready to go! (well, it will be by the weekend) im impressed. got shel and jenn and done and mike is alllll done too. woop dar it is!

ive got my final exam tomorrow.
i think i got it all down pat. except for remembering colors that is.
red+blue=magenta.
blue+green=cyan

wtf
who needs to know these colors.. ever?? lol
seriously
wtf is cyan anyway. and what kind of color is magenta. haha

anyway i supposed thats it for now.
the wind is blowing like a savage.
i hope it isnt too cold tomorrow while i wait for my carpool.
mmmmm a nice hot coffee and cigarette sounds good right about now.

oh, ive got a new theme song!
big girl (you are beautiful) by mika.
excellent.
it makes me dance in front of my mirror in my ugly green dress and love it.
i sing loud. i dance loud.
download it.

A day off

2007-11-14T12:55:00.000-03:30

So I have a day! After the long weekend. Seems kinda silly to have to go to school on tuesday just to be off on Wednesday. But thats it, i guess. So I have today off. First day Ive been alone in a little while. I slept in till after 12. It felts good.
omg I just watched a couple get married in a haunted house style thing with someone dressed up as draccula. hahaha too funny. There was like a fog machine and zombies and headstones and stuff. LOL and aside from a silly dress at the wedding and his suite of an ol tee shirt and shorts, they look completely normal. lol like after the wedding they were normal.
strange people.
strange people indeed.

School has been going alright for me. I am slightly bored with it. Alex has pretty much taken the creativity out of everything. He doesnt look at a picture and say "look at how beautiful this is" he looks at a picture and says "picture cost me $3.00 i can sell it for $100.00 and make a $97.00 profit off it" with the donald trump comb over yellow style hair and that laugh he does.. I dont know. Hes pretty much ruined photography for me. But we'll see where and how it goes, I guess.

I am so sick of chirstmas already. Everything that I think is a nice gift for someone turns out to be no good for them cause they wont like it. I think of gettin something for something and someone else already has it. its something awful! im starting my next years shopping in march!

This christmas will not be a good christmas for me.

2 bowls. on the floor

2007-10-07T10:58:00.002-02:30

oh my god.
so i get home last night and mike goes to pee. JUMPS out of the bathroom and shuts the door.
dirty little fucker! he said
theres a mouse in the bathroom!!

weve been here almost a year.. not one bug. and heres a fuckin mouse?

lol

so the door is closed, i grab a coat to cover the bottom of the door and run to the kitchen.
Bowls!
-we need bowls.-

now, dont forget, im as drunkity drunk drunk as a dirty dirty skunk! and bowls just seemed like a good idea. so i get in the bathroom, brave as all hell from the bottles of super-woman power i slammed down in me and im squirtin fuckin lysol all around the toilet tryin to get the little fucker out, then waiting with bowls in my hands to catch him!
hahahaha
(im laughin out loud as i write this)
well we just werent fast enough for the bowls to work but we did corner him. so i wrapped my hand in a towel and tried to grab his tail
(im tellin you, my super-woman power drinks were REALLY strong)

that didnt work either.

get me the vacum!! lol

so i got him in the corner still, cornered by a dress and bowls and mike runs to get the vacum.
so we suck the fucker up in the vacume. LOL

then we took the bag out, put it in a bag and mike brought it to the garbage bin.

and that was my late night adventure. it was too good to keep to myself.
now we have to get mouse traps

and new bowls

2 bowls. on the floor

2007-10-07T10:58:00.001-02:30

sooo long!

2007-10-06T16:22:00.000-02:30

its been sooo long since i updated oh my god. over a month!
almost 2 months! sheesh..

anyway theres really not a lot to talk about. i am LOVING school. and everyone there is so nice. i get a long with some better then others. but over all, everyone is wicked.
of course, they have a nickname on me already. - lesho. lol
too funny.
we all get a big laugh out of it.

I have a couple people from class comin in tonight for some drinks. Were plannin on drinkin our faces off then goin downtown to dance.
lol
i think its gonna be a laugh.

i hope the rain holds.

i was in class and there was a bookshelf of all these old textbooks.
i found my favourite, "poetic insight"
so i stole it.
lol

here are a few of my FAV poems of all time.
this was my favourite book in highschool. possibly my favourite course.

MILITARY PARADE
The little girl saw her first troop parade and asked
"what are those?"
"soldiers"
"what are soldiers?"
"they are for war. They fight and each tries to kill
as many of the other side as he can"

the girl held still and studied

"do you know... I know something?"
"yes. What is it you know?"

"sometime they'll give a war... and nobody will come."

IN THE STREET
In rainy weather
who can tell
whether we weep
or not?

I dread the sun
for his fierce honesty

AT SEVENTEEN
I learned the truth at seventeen
that love was meant for beauty queens
and high school girls with clear skinned smiles
who married young and then retired.
The valentines I never knew.
The friday night charades of youth
were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth

And those of us with ravaged faces
lacking in the social graces
desperately remained at home
inventing lovers on the phone
who called to say "come dance with me"
and murmered vague obscenities
it isnt all it seems
at seventeen

to those of us who knew the pain
of Valentines that never came
and tose whos names were never called
when choosing sides for basketball
it was long ago and far away
the world was younger then today
and dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me

we all play the game and when we dare
to cheat ourselves at solitaire
inventing lovers on the phone
repenting other lives unknown
they call and say "come dance with me"
and murmer vague obscenities
at ugly girls like me
at seventeen

OUTWITTED
he drew a circle that shut me out
heretic, rebel, a thing to flout
but Love and I had te wit to win
We drew a circle that took him in!

I AM A ROCK
A winter's day
in a deep dark december
I am alone
gazing from my window
to the streets below
on a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island

I build walls
a fortress deep and mighty
that none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship
friendsship causes pain
its laughter and its loving I disdain.
I am a rock
I am an island

Dont talk of love
well, Ive heard the word before.
It's sleeping in my memory.
I wont disturbe the slumber
of feelings that have died
If Id never loved, I never would have cried
I am a rock
I am an island

I have my books
and my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armour
hiding in my room
safe within my tomb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock
I am an island

And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries

and then he left me...

2007-08-19T17:44:00.000-02:30

mike is gone. was he even here? one second i closed my eyes and he is gone again.

gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone

again.

fuck.

sometimes i swear i dont think he was really here. sometimes i think i may have been sleepin the whole time, dreamin and now ive just woken up and i am alone again. sometimes i cant feel my heart beating and i wonder if any of this is even real.

sometimes i think maybe IM gone

gone

was i even there?

When theres nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire

2007-08-18T16:50:00.000-02:30

God that was strange to see you again

Introduced by a friend of a friend

Smiled and said "yes I think weve met before"

In that instant it started to pour,

Captured a taxi despite all the rain

We drove in silence across Pont Champlain

And all of the time you thought I was sad

I was trying to remember your name...

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin

Tried to reach deep but you couldnt get in

Now youre outside me

You see all the beauty

Repent all your sin

Its nothing but time and a face that you lose

I chose to feel it and you couldnt choose

Ill write you a postcard

Ill send you the news

From a house down the road from real love...

Live through this, and you wont look back...

Theres one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave

You were what I wanted

I gave what I gave

Im not sorry I met you

Im not sorry its over

Im not sorry theres nothing to save

Im not sorry theres nothing to save...

light another cigarette and maybe by the end of it you have changed ..

2007-08-07T20:52:00.000-02:30

you give me chills

you give me chills ...

mom and dad visiting has been great! im always on the go, it seems. always tidying or cleanin or shopping or going somehwere .. i love it.

its going to be a huge kick in the face when they leave.. then mike leaves. and i am alone. again.

its so much harder being the one thats left...

my summer has been good so far though. been busy. got a nice tan goin on. lost some weight! now if this whole school thing would work out FFS. my God. if im not in school by september ill be goin back to Fort Mac. Thats for sure. i seriously cant even afford to stay here and work. which is sad. but oh my.

hmmm it seems like there is so much to talk about but now that im actually here updating, nothing comes to mind.

i saw you walking

in the city

were all in this together

the city is changing

cause we are changing

were all in this together

every 12 seconds someone remembers

that were all in this together

in the kitchen of your rent controlled apartment

were all in this together

come on baby

i dont mean to rush you

i only wanted to reach out and touch you

i gotta start

to open my heart

and on the subway

we fell like strangers

but were all in this together

yeah i love you and you love her and she loves him but

were all in this together

i saw you cryin

i started cryin

cause were all in tis together

and religion is a big decision

but were all in this together

not really much more to talk about. ill update some more some other time.

happy summer

2007-07-19T20:22:00.000-02:30

He always wanted to explain things.
But no one cared.
So he drew.
Sometimes he would draw,
and it wasn't anything.
He wanted to carve it in stone
or write it in the sky,
and it would only be him and the sky and
the things inside him that needed saying.
It was after that he drew the picture.
It was a beautiful picture.
He kept it under his pillow
and would let no one see it.
When it was dark and his eyes were closed,
he could still see it.
He would look at it everynight
and think about it.
When he started started school,
he brought it along with him.
Not to show anyone,
just to have along like a friend.
It was funny about school.
He sat at a square, brown desk,
like all the other square, brown desks.
He thought it should be red.
And his room was a square, brown room
like all the other rooms.
It was tight and close and stiff.
He hated to hold the pencil and chalk,
his arms stiff, his feet flat on the floor,
stiff,
the teacher watching and watching.
The teacher spoke to him.
She told him to wear a tie
like all the other boys.
He said he didnt like them.
She said it didn't matter!
after that, they drew.
He drew all yellow.
It was the way he felt about the morning,
and it was beautiful.
The teacher came and smiled at him.
"whats this?" she said, "why dont yo
draw something like ken is drawing?
Isn't that beautiful?"
After that his mother bought him a tie,
and he alwayd drew airplanes and rocketships
like everyone else.
And he threw the old picture away.
And when he lay alone looking at the sky,
it was big and blue and all of everything,
but he wasnt anymore.
He was sqaure inside and brown,
and his hands were stiff.
He was like everyone else.
The things inside that needed saying
didn't need it anymore.
It had stopped pushing.
It was crushed.
Stiff.
Like everything else.

thats it

2007-07-16T04:28:00.000-02:30

I saw him - Gorgeous
(as if there was any other way to be)
i read what she said. her. her.

this is crazy.
way to much

you belong to someone.
you dont really love me...

its ok.
- trust me -
i dont love me either.

xo

2007-07-10T02:57:00.001-02:30

And it sure aint easin my pain.. all these songs about rain.

its not lettin me put a title in there tonight. so theres my title.
im a little sad tonight.
listenin to this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rULQNIEX_6k and thinking about fort mac. this song is me and robyn sittin on the deck with out cigarettes and our wine. sittin in the heat with our feet up. this is us dancing at the newfie club. this song is me and nikita dancing at the oil can and she spins me.
she spins me
she spins me
she spins me
and something feels like i havent stopped spinning. (how corny is that)
corny but true.
sometimes i close my eyes and i feel like when i open them, ill be in my old room, with my green sheets and clothes on the floor. i have work at 3, so i have to get up and get supper and lunches ready for before i go. its tuesday which means tomorrow is cheap night at the O.C
me and robyn will get off work and get dressed up (or sometimes not ) and well go and get cheap booze and stay out untill 2 am dancing and laughing and sometimes crying. we'll get nikita on the go after she gets off work and get her drinkin with us. shell get angry at least once throughout the night. we'll make her feel better, guys will flock towards us, drinks will be sent out way. the band will sing for us. towards us. all the good songs like wild angles. nikita will sing so loud to that one. they will point and smile and we will gush and be happy and that will be ok.
she spins me
she spins me
on that little tiny dance floor. well say, man, we got work in 5 hours.
we'll laugh.
we'll come home and eat weiners out of coffee filters (cause there were no clean bowls) or eat spinach soup or old sour rice or chicken corn chowder.
well laugh and say we have work in 4 hours.
we will be drunk in the morning.
we will laugh....

we'll make a story. make a memory. a picture in my head.

this song is nikita in a tank top, with her double lamb and cokes, grabbing my hand and twirling me on the dance floor.
were the only ones there..

but the song ends and here i am sittin on my bed with the checkered sheets and cooey is up there and i am down here and lets face it... guys just arent that interested.

maybe its me comin down thats making me sad. maybe its the damn song that i cant stop listening to. maybe its 3:16 am and i just cant sleep and im tired.
i just thought i would be more then this..

thats what that song it.

fuck.

*blue eyes crying in the early morning rain. they go on and on and theres no 2 the same. oh, it would be easy to blame all these songs about rain*

Rooftop

2007-07-03T17:00:00.000-02:30

Crouched down on a rooftop
in my mothers high heeled shoes
i am wondering if i will drop
and fly away with you

i can smell the rain coming
but i wont leave until it falls
im gonna soak in its downpour
until i hear my mothers calls

cause i am playing god
i am raising hell as far as i can tell
i am all alone
alone in this world
alone with you

i carry spring rain in my hair
weighted sorrow in perfect clouds
bursting in the air
wash away and drown

i am playing god
i am raising hell as far as i can tell
i am all alone
alone in this world
alone with you

the roof slips beneath my feet
as the branches back away from me
the softest grass turns to concret
but i will fly
i will fly
you will see...

cause i am playing god
i am raising hell as far as i can tell
i am all alone
alone in this world
alone

such a beautiful beautiful sad song. download it. amazing

I really really need a raincoat ....

2007-07-02T00:58:00.000-02:30

So here i am. its been a while since i wrote anything. the last 2 weeks have been sketchy for Goober and I. lots of drinking. too much drinkin. so now its time for a break. (untill next tuesday when i get paid again cause i am broke ass)

im lonely tonight. i flicked between the movies titanic and american history x (focusing really on american history x. titanic was for commercials) not a good idea to watch either when your lonely. american history x is graphic and at times nasty, but the ending is sad. so here i am having a little cry for myself listening, of course, to sad songs. loves me a bit of raining in baltimore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6YYbitkugQ
click there and hear it. amazing.

fuck im lonely tonight. I miss Mike. This doesnt get easier.
its nights like this where i havent slept in days and all i can do is think about shit. think about time. think about sleeping all alone. time
time for sleeping
time for working
time for school
time for me
never seems to be enough time... lots of mistakes... but never enough time.
sometimes i think this is all wrong. theres been a mix up. THIS IS ALL WRONG

*you get what you pay for but i just had no intention of living this way*

I got into school for september doing photographic studies. i dont know if it will get me anywhere. (i dont know if i can get MYSELF anywhere) if EI will put me through that would be good. it will buy me another year anyway to figure shit out. figure what out exactly? i dont know. i havent really figured that part out yet either. im so fucked without sleep.

ohmygod. im watching them make porn on tv. the poor girl was like, "the sex part is ok, its the fuckin script" im like wtf. girl, all she got to say is yes yes oh baby stick it in my ass, you like that?
haha really. if you cant remember to say that while you ACTUALLY havin sex then somethings not right.

anyway thats all i got to complain or bitch about for now. id say with more time on my hands ill be updating more.

*theres things i remember and things i forget. i miss you. i guess that i should. 3,500 miles away and what would you change if you could*

i didnt know you hurt so bad
you just always seemed so mad
you say im something you cant fix

2007-06-11T04:03:00.000-02:30

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know im alive but i feel like ive died
And all thats left is to accept that its over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder
I feel like im slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After ive cried my last, therell be beauty from pain
Though it wont be today,
Someday ill hope again
And therell be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
Ill wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i cant understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how youve brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After ive cried my last, therell be beauty from pain
Though it wont be today,Someday ill hope again
And therell be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what i cant see
I forgot how to hope
This nights been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After ive cried my last, therell be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,Someday ill hope again
And therell be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Letter to Robyns mom

2007-06-06T23:18:00.000-02:30

dearest Mrs Daphne Walsh
first i would like to start by saying how beautiful you look today. And have you lost weight? your hair looks very lovely like that. and that shirt.. its definitely your color. Now, down to business. It has been brought to my attention that there is a possibility of you moving to Peach River.

Now, i have to be blunt here. I was not pleased. I have come up with some reasons that are very reasonable and i think that they make a very strong argument against you leavin and takin Robyn with you.

before you read further, please go to this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XP1oV5b8ap0 and let the music play in the background. (you know, for more effect)

Reason 1.
like salt and pepper, apples and oranges, shoes and purses, we go in a pair. it is very common that when out in public we like to meet and enjoy the company of nice people. in introducing ourselves, we often say " I am Goober (pointing to myself) she is Goober (pointing to Robyn) We and Gooberlicious." Now, in the event that you move and take Robyn with you, it will result in me just standing there saying "I am Goober" and lets face it. no one likes the Goober who stands alone.

if you will please refer to the first attachment named "pie chart 1" it will outline the results that may occure if Robyn was to leave. Further more, this will affect my social status as well as make me very sad.

Reason 2.
As we are all awear robyn has just purchased a brand new tred mill. The tred mill is a great (yet very expensive) way to maintain good health and fitness. If you were to move, robyn is not able to fold up and take her tred mill. this move with result in Robyn leavin behind her tred mill and ultimatly putting her health as risk. This could and will jepradize her health and welness. This, in turn, can make her very sick as well as make me very sad.

Reason 3.
The time difference between here and Alberta is 3 and 1/2 hours. This can make even the easiest conversation a challange. Robyn will have to obtain employment while she is there, causing her to work god only knows what hours, which can result in us having to make msn and phone conversations at odd times of the day or night. it might so well happen that the only talk time we have may be at 11 or 12 Alberta time, which is 2:30 or 3:30 my time. this will greatly affect my sleeping pattern and may cause me to develope abnormal sleeping habbits. this, in turn, can affect my job oppertunities, eating schedule and as worse as it may get, i may not get the full 8 hours required by all the sleeping specialists to maintain a healthy lifestyle throughout the day. this can cause me to lose my much needed beauty sleep as well as make me very sad.

please referr to attachment 2, marked "sleep chat 2"

Reason 4
The only person who tells me the truth about how i look is Robyn. If robyn leaves, and i go out, i wont have a reliable opinion on how my outift looks of what shoes go best. This unfortunate turn of events can lead to me goin out in public lookin like a fool while everyone looks at me in horror and some even threaten to call the fashion police. No one will tell me i look boxy or my love handles are out to much of my boobs look loopy. this could lead to some perminate self destructive issues in the future.
I need someone to tell me when i have drooled a little or ive got a boo or something in my teeth. and when i drink a little too much, i need someone to cover me when i fall.
this can result in some major embarrasement for me as well as make me very sad.

so, my dear darlin daphne, as you can see, you simply cannot move and take robyn with you. it will just throw my life all out of order. i think i have outlined some very reasonable and sensible reasons as to why she simply just have got to stay.
i love that goober (please see attachment 3, entitled IMG_o274)
i love her no matter how she looks or what she wears :-)
shes my best friend
please dont make her move!

I am leaving .. Then I will be left

2007-05-09T03:17:00.000-02:30

its like 3:20 am. im trying to stay awake. i go to the airport in an hour. no use in one hours sleep. so i went in and lay with mike, whos been insane sick for the last couple days. fever of 103.. and i wanted to stay there and just lay next to him and breathe him in and listen to his little snores... but then it felt like i was waiting to leave him
so i got up
got dressed
and here i am. sittin on the couch, writing.

he will be leaving for AB when i leave.

mother fucker.

i was at the airport tonight to pick up my girlfriend from fort mcmurray and these 2 little kids and their mom was sitin on the floor watchin everyone walk down the stairs, they were callin out, "daddy..." and then he came
and picked them up in his big arms and gave them a hug so tight that i swear i could feel it myself
and they just said daddy daddy over and over again and smiled the biggest smiles i have ever seen. those 2 little babies...
families do this all the time.
but not my family.
it hurts big time.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5KFQbZMO7fg

everyone, go to that link.
amazing.

im so excited about going to NB. but nervous. and i dont want to come back alone. maybe alone would be good for me, though.. but i dont think so. its totally bitter sweet, i guess.

He loves me
He loves me
toes in mine
a forehead kiss

what is
what is all of this

a broken heart
i fell apart

thinking of you
of you

and i
dont
think

i can make it through

what is this
a broken heart

For Robyn

2007-05-05T14:32:00.000-02:30

so robyn has requested that while i am in the bathroom, i should write in my blog.
somehow me writing while i poop just makes for a funny blog.
so here i am.
i dont have much to write about, unfortunatly. and im almost done. so i better think of something quick!

hmmm... nope. nothing.

my nails are growin like something sick. so im going to have to get them filled again. a lot sooner then usual, so im told. not that i know much about nails..

man, i could go for a cup of tea and toast. hahaha (god love morgan)

theres really not much more to talk about. weve already discussed how i got retarted drunk last night. been there, done that. peed outside. with cara. lol knows i fell back when i peed and couldnt get my chubby arse up and she had to help me haha
well, we were only pukin outside cause someone puked and clogged the toilet.
dont know what he ate for supper.
must not have chewed either.
yuck

here i am

2007-04-28T16:32:00.000-02:30

so i figured id update. since no one else does.

this post is gonna be full of typos. ive got new nails and i dont know how to work with them yet. i have, however, perfected stracthin myself to bits and bangin them off everything. lol its funny though, every night i dream that i pulled them off or cracked them or lost them somehow. so every morning i wake up and i gotta look for them first thing to make sure theyre still there. too funny.

so im gonna make a turkey dinner tomorrow. all by myself! - with the help of mom of course. but all on my own! i was lookin at the turkeys today.. gibblets included? WTF is a gibblet?
"excuse me .. whats a gibblets?"
nice old man and lady, "oh thats the liver and heart and neck and stuff. very good."
"so its in a bag inside or something?"
"yes my dear. it goes inside. it doesnt need to be cooked as long as the turkey though, so you got to take it out early"
hmmm... this is trickier then i though. i have never once been offered a gibblet at the supper table!
"is this your first time?" the old man said. referring, of course, to the turky
"oh yes.. "
"well, dont be intimidated by it! good luck. remember.. gibblets come out BEFORE the turkey!"
"oh, thank you!"

im just gonna reach in and whatever i pulls out is going in the garbage. i figured mike would do the guts pullin and hand up the ass nonsense... but hes just as grossed out about it as i am. so its all up to me.
i got extra bags left aside so i can wear them on my hands.

ohmygod. i fell. we were in the atlantic place for mike to pay his speedin ticket. anyway going down the escalator i pretended like i was gonna kick mike down the steps.. so he speeds off in front of me, walkin away pretending to be mad.
so i step onto the pretty shiney death floor and down i goes
like a tonne of freekin bricks.
i just sat there
purse flew, coat gone, sun glasses flew off my head.
i sat there with my head in my hands
no way did i just fall.
im pretty sure i shook the whole building too.
i heard everyone gasps. and point. what happened? she fell. i think she fell.
mike is walkin on
im sittin on the freekin floor. red as can be.
this very attractive man who just happened to be behind us on the escalator held out his hand and asked if i needed help
no, im fine.. i said
MIKE!
he turns around and comes back. and because of my bum knee i DO need help gettin up.
so im up
and i pretty much RUN out of atlantic place.

i suppose, its not a proper outting if lesley doesnt fall.

hide my head i wanna drown my sorrow.. no tomorrow no tomorrow

2007-04-10T17:19:00.000-02:30

this is me
standing in front of you
its to my skin
its to my skin
red
red
its a mess. everything is a mess

in front of me
in front of me
to my lips

almost like the sweetest kiss

my eyes are blue
my hair was made to be curly
its to my skin
in my skin

you know he died with his eyes open
watching me, almost...
with his eyes open

inside my skin

my lips are pink
my eyes are blue
my hair is curly
i think of you

with eyes open

birthday baby

2007-03-26T11:35:00.000-02:30

oh my god, this computer is so slow lately.. whats goin on..

anyway our birthdays were good! - mikes and mine.
i got some great stuff..
love it all.
great apartment stuff.. and the martini glass set. - i cant say that.

anyway... it was wonderful!

ok, this freekin telemarketer just called asking me to donate 300+ to feed a child for a year!
i was like no thanks hunny!
then she was like, oh... doesnt fit into your budget?
i was like, my dear, i cant barely afford to feed myself.
then she went on and on.
she wasnt very good though, you can tell she was reading it off a sheet. hahah
anyway after a while i just hung up on her.
hello... didnt you hear me say i was poor? lol

speaking of feeding myself... i am so depressed!
i saw pics of myself from bday parties and sheldons house warming..
i seriously almost puked.
oh my god.
i am the size of a pregnant horse.
so depressed i could eat a cow.
well, not eat a cow. perhaps puke up a cow or something. oh my god.
so i decided last night i would walk.
mike said we would walk with me every day. so we set the alarm for 10 this mornin to get up and go.
he took off to go to mustgrave town first thing.
there goes my walkin partner.
and today is not a good day to start. its snowy and blowin like a whore and its FREEZING.
so im gonna make myself a salad in a bit and juststay in bed alllllllll day! (the the exception of gettin up to pack a few boxes.. then right back in bed again!)
maybe ill forget the salad, drink me some nice hot coffeee, have me a smoke and just go back to sleep!

my god, its cold here though.
my toes are like ice.
i wonder where my big woolen socks are.

MUST READ! who ever would have thought.. after 4 years I am just learning..

2007-03-20T21:01:00.000-02:30

Okay,
who here even knew that there was a third tower that fell?
i never even paid attention to it.. all i heard were 2 towers, 2 towers, twin towers..
did anyone even notice that wtc 7 also fell that day?
there are some pretty strong views on this. - Ive been reading.
heres what i found. Think about it.
about everything
read
think

Building 7 was the third skyscraper to be reduced to rubble on September 11, 2001. According to the government, fires, primarily, leveled this building, but fires have never before or since destroyed a steel skyscraper.

WTC 7 collapsed approximately 7 hours after the collapse of WTC 1.

WTC 7 contained offices of the FBI, Department of Defense, IRS (which contained prodigious amounts of corporate tax fraud, including Enrons), US Secret Service, Securities & Exchange Commission (with more stock fraud records), and Citibanks Salomon Smith Barney, the Mayors Office of Emergency Management and many other financial institutions.

Inside WTC 7 was the US Secret Services largest field office with more than 200 employees. …”All the evidence that we stored at 7 World Trade, in all our cases, went down with the building,” according to US Secret Service Special Agent David Curran.

(and this was an accident?)

The team that investigated the collapse were kept away from the crime scene. By the time they published their inconclusive report in May, 2002, the evidence had been destroyed.

Why did the government rapidly recycle the steel from the largest and most mysterious engineering failure in world history, and why has the media remained silent?

Witness reports show that officials who controlled the streets around WTC 7 evacuated the area in the hour before the 5:20 PM collapse, and that various officials forwarded verbal warnings conveying certainty that the collapse would occur.

At least two television networks made premature announcements of the collapse of WTC 7. The BBC unequivocally announced the collapse about 23 minutes before the fact, and even featured a New York correspondent speaking of the collapse in past tense with the still-erect skyscraper standing behind her.

CNN anchor Aaron Brown announced that the building "has either collapsed or is collapsing" about an hour before the event. Unlike the BBC correspondent, Brown seemed to be able to read the skyline and see that Building 7 was still standing -- perhaps accounting for the muddled announcement.

how can one assume that a building is going to collaps? it wasnt a slow, moaning, building swaying incident where you can tell the building is obviously going to let go. the complete building itself collapseed in 6.5 seconds. from start to finish. watch the video. http://www.wtc7.net/videos.html could this be something that was actually expected?

Despite the paramount importance of the remains, they were hauled away and melted down as quickly as possible. The steel was sold to scrap metal vendors and most of it was soon on ships bound for China and India. Some of the smaller pieces and a few token large pieces of steel marked 'save' were allowed to be inspected at Fresh Kills landfill by FEMA's BPAT volunteers.

Officials running the "cleanup operation" took pains to make sure the structural steel didn't end up anywhere but in blast furnaces. They installed GPS locator devices on each of the trucks hauling loads from Ground Zero at a cost of $1000 each. One driver who took an extended lunch break was dismissed

Few such sites note that the physical characteristics of the collapse exactly match conventional demolitions, or that fires have never before or since felled steel-framed high-rise buildings -- two facts that constitute an overwhelming case for the controlled demolition of WTC 7

who
what
when
where
how
WHY

and they trust bush. The "man" that knew of the attack and did nothing.

read (http://www.wtc7.net/index.html)
write
learn.

its insane to think about it.

spiders

2007-03-18T13:13:00.000-02:30

i had a dream last night that i was choking
on millions of spiders. just spiders down my throat
in my mouth
and i couldnt get them out. i was trying to hook them out with my hands but i couldnt and i could actually feel them blockin off my throat
i was choking
i was choking
on mouth fulls of fuckin spiders.
as soon as i got rid of some, my mouth would be full again
of spiders
i was fuckin god damn choking..

and when i woke up
my eyes were tired and my feet were cold
and i was next to mike
and there were no more spiders

but i was still choking.
and i still cant breath

ive been awake for hours
and im still trying to
im choking
i am mother fucking god damn cocksuckin son-of-a-bitch shit slut fuck fuck fuck
fuckin choking

Inside me

2007-03-13T22:10:00.000-02:30

Wake up, take your pills dear, I know this time of year aint right for you...
you came with a sickness, shot down back in Christmas,
Kamikaze rain... and
Im sure youve lost that weight again,
Im sure the pills keeping pouring in,
like smoke that falls, its caving into you...
so put me on a plane, and fly me to anywhere...with you...

one night...when you woke up,
you bled...till you spoke up,
oh this aint pretty dear,
with clocks, watch the time go...till spring,
when the sun can finally be free...

and Im sure youve lost that weight again,
Im sure the pills keeping pouring in,
well scream at night, to make it go away...

so put me on a plane, and fly me to anywhere...with you...

This one is for Debbie:

2007-03-09T14:16:00.000-03:30

Couple of guys sittin around drinkin

Down at the starlight bar

One of em says, you know Ive been thinking

Other one says, that wont get you too far

He says, this is your life, and welcome to it

Its just workin and drinkin and dreams

Ad on tv says just do it

Hell if I know what that means

The secret of life is a good cup of coffee

The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball

The secret of life is a beautiful woman

And marilyn stares down from the barroom wall

You and me, were just a couple of zeros

Just a couple of down-and-outs

But movie stars and football heroes

What have they got to be unhappy about?

So they turn to the bartender, sam, what do you think?

Whats the key that unlocks that door?

Sam dont say nothin, just wipes off the bar

And he pours them a couple more

cause the secret of life is in sams martin

isThe secret of life is in marilyns eyes

The secret of life is in monday night football

Rolling stones records and moms apple pie

Sam looks up from his sunday paper

Says, boys, youre on the wrong track

The secret of life is there aint no secret

And you dont get your money back

HeyThe secret of life is gettin up early

The secret of life is stayin up late

The secret of life is try not to hurry

But dont wait Dont wait

The secret of life is a good cup of coffee

The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball

The secret of life is to find the right woman

The secret of life is nothin at all

Oh, its nothin at all

The sight of you is so confusing so I take myself away...

2007-03-09T14:09:00.000-03:30

Im here in newfoundland again.
did the last year even happen?
i knew thats how i would feel.. i knew it. i felt it as soon as i got on the plane. as soon as we took off... in the air, in the Toronto, landing...
i felt it.
or the lack of it.
did it even happen?

I have been downtown yet!
didnt go last weekend and ill be out in mustgrave town this weekend after the move.
ohh lordy.

theres not much else to say really.
oh dave and jamie was at the air port when i got off!
good lord.
it was good to see them.
good as always.
:-)

davey has gotten so thin.
it looks as if his skin is trying to run away from his face..

hehe no im kidding. he looks good. real good.

its unfortunate though... the weight his lost has somehow found its way towards me and formed as love handles on my thighs.. thats right. my freekin thighs.

lord knows i love the pic of me in the kitchen at sheldons new apartment.
it looks like im actually wearing the kitchen.

haha oh speaking of apartment, me and mike got a new one! im happy. its nice. big bright windows where the sun shines through bright and beautiful! (knows ill be covering that up asap.) lots of room. a closet designed specifically for shoes! a whole closet just for shoes! can one imagine?!?!
its a dream come true..

well, not exactly a dream.. but you know. its pretty damn cool.

when you're dreaming with a broken heart

2007-02-19T15:44:00.000-03:30

waking up is the hardest part
wondering was he really here?
is he standing in my room?
no hes not...
cause hes gone gone gone gone gone ..........

8 days.
oh my god.
8 days.

friday night was such a good night. lol
me and robyn got all gussied up and went to... the lions den. hahah its actually a nice spot in the quality hotel. anyway we went to meet my friend Jim and his guy friend Lindsay. (Lindsay wanted to meet robyn)
anyway me and robyn slammed back a few ponies (3 shots of whatever. in my case, vodka. and oj. but easy on the mix. only want enough to give it a bit of color.. lol. and they serve it in these big ass juggs. too funny) anyway we slammed back a few of those and chair danced the night away (there was no dance floor) to jonny cash and nelly singin, its gettin hot in here.
around 2 jim decided he wanted to take us to see the buffalo. (he wasnt drinking!) so we were like, whatever, got our stuff and piled into his bigass transport truck . anyway turns out there was a snowstorm goin on, so we couldnt make it to see the buffalo. lol so we drove around for a while, lookin at all the cars and trucks that were in the ditches.
robyn was in the back bunk with lindsay hahaha
so anyway, jim is like, i gotta get fuel. and i was like, good, cause im about to pee in the seat. so we drive and drive over this crazy freekin bumpy road while im trying to hold in my pee.. haha (bumps not good) we pull up he gets out to check the pumps, i get robyn out with me to pee... theres no gas station. just pump thingies for big trucks. im like wtf, where am i gonna pee?
haha
me and robyn was running through the freekin show, up to our shins, in high heals and or course, no socks. fuckin snow is blosing everywhere, its freezing.. halfway there, robyn was like, hold it, lets go to a gas station! (shes all drunk and half standing and her hair is a mess.. lol im laughing so hard..) i was like, "i cant wait! im about to pee a little now!" hahaha i went behind a snow pile and peed. the whole time robyn is motioning with her hands saying "come on les! come on!" lol
so i pulled up with pants and we ran back to the truck and took our shoes off. and emptied the snow out of them.
and he couldnt get fuel cause the fuel tanks had frozen (because it was like minus 40) so we drove around a bit, the roads were for SHIT. we never got home till like 4:30.
anyway. its not as funny to read it as it was to be there. i love robyns drunk hair. and her bed head. it kinda matts in the back and sticks up off in every direction. its too cute.

*so scared at gettin older.. Im only good at being young**

so were doing ok with packing.
we put a swiffer thing and a table in the hallway yesterday and within an hour it was gone.
we put our kitchen table and 3 chairs out there and within an hour it was gone.
we put 3 white fans out there, came in, mike realised there was a piece left in the apartment (he took them apart to clean them) went back to put it back on the fan... and they were gone. within minutes. lol
were like, wtf? whats someone watching us bring stuff out? haha waiting for us to turn around so they can grab it
haha

8 days. i cant believe it. Donna from jomomas says ill be back in a few months.
who knows..
i dont think so. but who knows.
4 more days of working here
7 more days to say goodbye to the people
the people
the person
*sigh*
and Nakita.. I dont know what Im going to do without Nakita.
she falls in love
she doesnt judge ..
theres no judgement here!
she falls in love..

oh my

wondering could you stay my love?
will you wake up by my side?
no he cant
cause hes gone gone gone gone gone ..........

*she takes you in with her crying eyes*

Britney Spears

2007-02-18T23:23:00.000-03:30

Britney Spears shaved her head?!
WTF?!?!?

girls on some drugs
and she got a lumpy head.

but shes brave.. ill tell you that.
maybe its like a starting over thing for her..

or maybe
she should lay off the crack.

2007-02-14T06:25:00.000-03:30

sleep dont weep
my sweet love
your face its all wet
and your day was rough

so do what you must do
to find yourself
wear anothers shoe
or paint my shelves
theres times that i was broke
and you stood strong
i think i found a place
where i ..

sleep dont weep
my sweet lovey
our face its all wet
cause our days were rough

so do what you must do
to fill that hole
wear anothers shoe
to comfort the sole

theres times that i was broke
and you stood strong
i think i found a place
where i feel i will..

sleep dont weep
my sweet love
my face its all wet
cause my day was rough

so do what you must do
to find yourself
wear anothers shoe
or paint my shelves
theres times that i was broke
and you stood strong

i hope i find a place where
i feel i belong
sleep dont weep
my sweet love
my face its all wet
cause my day was rough
dont weep
my sweet love
my face is all wet
cause my days were rough

2007-02-13T15:27:00.000-03:30

I lost him
I lost him
Is is that hard to love me?
I made lists of things to sell
to give away
for nothing
a years worth of work
of pain
of me
gone..
someone please tell me
whats
left

2007-02-09T05:18:00.000-03:30

so a panic attack for sure
tonight
i leave in 18 days

18 days

ive got a years worth of stuff to do in 18 days
i cant even find time to do laundry FFS

its to fast.
theres too much to do
theres to much to say
theres not enough time
theres not enough air. i cant even breathe. cant catch my breath.
i cant sleep
i cant stop thinking
its all to fast. there isnt enough time.

i dont know what to do with everything.
i dont know how to say goodbye to everyone.

I am seriously sick to my stomach.

its like i came here to start again. to be someone better. or different at least.
im no different. im not better. im going home the same person.. only 30 pounds heavier and with a craving for screwdrivers. i lost touch with almost everyone home.
with myself.
im no better.
im no different.

i needed more time.
theres so much to do and not enough time.

i cant breathe.
theres not enough air.

*just to see you smile again*

listen isa dont you cry..

2007-02-07T01:27:00.000-03:30

im here at work.
listen to listen isa over and over and over
god ive got myself into something here! i dont want to leave it though...

*isas scared shell lose the boy that she once had*

how things have changed in the last year. and i swear to god, i wouldnt be here if it werent for robyn. i cant even imagine life here without her. so strange.

ive got to much time to think.. thats my problem. like.. all my mind does is think think think.
i lay awake at night thinking
i was awake 5:30 yesterday morning eating sheppards pie for breakfast and thinking.
christ.
i never thought so much in all my life.
my favourite place to think has become in the kitchen. while im waiting for something to cook/bake, i turn the light on in the stove, sit in front of the heat and watch it all happen.
weird i know.
that or the laundry room.
theres something about the laundry rooms here..
im to weird.
and i think to much.

its 10:00. almost time for me to go home. ive gotta get up at 5, do the bank deposits, then try to sleep and get up again for 8 to come to work. maybe ill just stay awake.

*just to see you smile again... listen isa dont you cry... listen isa dont you cry.. listen isa dont you cry.... cry *

In love.

its 1:30 home. its going to be weird adjusting to the time again.
its going to be weird being home.
there are some people here i can barely bring myself to leave. this has been my home. and i hated it sometimes. but now that im leavin.. and now that all this good stuff is happening to me here..
i kinda want to stay.

maybe im just thinking crazy. ive gotten shit for sleep in the last couple weeks. some nights im up till 3.. asleep till 5:30 (when mike gets up) and i just lay there awake untill my alarm goes off.

I have finally figured out how to use my ipod shuffle thing - thanks to sheldon.
that itunes is some confusing. lol i think ill just stick to my little ol windows media player.

* I wish for a place where the earth doesnt shake and
if the earth wont be still .... then you and I will *

2007-02-04T05:04:00.000-03:30

Sometimes when she thinks
of him
she sits
quietly
holding her hands
holding her heart
becuase nothing in her life
has gone right

(maybe if what could have been...)

a world
a world on top of her shoulders
water over her head
she lives inside herself

and those that see her
look through her (except for him.. he saw beyond it)

They let go.

when she closes her hands
her fingers feel
so thick
and stiff
unfamiliar
as her own

she fears
somehow
she has lost herself

(yes, i got the line from debbie. something random to her made me think of something completely different. this is not about deb. :0) the way she said it just meant something else to me )

Good Gifts

2007-02-04T04:41:00.000-03:30

good gifts of love
good gifts you hand me down
from your first touch
to my wedding gown

do you even know
what you've given me
do you even see
that you are wisdom
you are wisdom to me

my song my soul
you gave so easily
I'll not forget
these gifts to me

we say goodbye
but we are not alone
here with me stay
my heart my home

do you even know
what youve given me
do you even see
that you are wisdom
you are
wisdom to me

my song my soul
you gave to easily
I'll not forget
these gifts to me

I'll not forget
these gifts to me

So maybe youre not as real as the others....

2007-02-02T04:55:00.000-03:30

But I would chose you over all my past lovers
they have come and they have gone
but i can always turn you on*

Im so into melanie doane latele. im DYING to get the song, "good gifts" which i cant seem to find anywhere.
did i spell dying right?
who cares
point is... i wanna hear it and cant find it.

damn you limewire.
damn you...

things are going good here. a little hectic with the moving and packing. time is going by and i honestly cant believe im leaving. and to come home... what am i going to do?
what is there to say?
oh my..

so many decisions and choices to make. am i makin any of the right ones?

*how do you say ive always felt this way?*

its late and i cant sleep. 1:30 actually.
i hate nights like these where i lay awake and all this shit just goes through my head. Im all in my own head and because of the time difference, theres no one online to talk to. and if there was, what would i say anyway?

hmmm im pretty sure i had something to talk about before i started writing.
mike is being blimey to me. hes asleep. which somehow means he doesnt like me. he seems to really not like me when hes sleeping.
yes, i said blimey
hah
can it be used like that?
oh blimey!
im pretty sure it means shitty or sucky or whatever.

blimey.

i wish my mind would stop.

(reminder to self.. On Jan. 31, 2007... she beat a dead horse)

2007-01-24T21:00:00.000-03:30

It's late enough all you kids should be home
The policeman says as he takes your beer for his ownY
ou remember wondering what his wife
Thought about his occupation
He knows that you were just chasing a dream
To the town line and then back and over again
So he winks at you girls
And tells you all "i'll see you later"

I was stealing kisses from a boy
Now i'm begging affection from a man
In my housedress don't know you who i am
Standing in your kitchen

It's late enough your husband's dinner is cold
So you wrap it up and leave it for him on the stove
It's probably the traffic again
Or another important meeting
And you haven't talked to an adult all day
'cept your neighbor who drives you crazy
When he finally gets in he's sure not in the mood for talking

And hours become days and days become years
And you could burn down this town
If they made matches from fear
Buy you're no worse off than anybody else
Hey don't you even know, don't you even know yourself
So you're standing outside your high school door
The one you walked out of twenty years before
And you whisper to all of the girls, run, run, run

I was stealing kisses from a boy
Now i'm begging affection from a man
In my housedress don't you know who i am
Take a look at who i am, i'm stealing kisses

validation

2007-01-24T12:49:00.000-03:30

I do it for the validation
because he tells me im beautiful
but habbit
perhaps
takes over meaning

maybe he means it
but one
out of
one hundred thousand
doesnt seem to cut it
anymore

for me

and so for the validation
I let him
invited it
asked
begged
I let it

an excuseable mess
for I
was just wanting
waiting
wearing signs
that
I
needed the proof

to hear it from someone
else
to hear it from you

validate

VALIDATE
verd
1. to make valid; substantiate; confirm
2. to give legal force to; legalize.
3. to give official sanction, confirmation, or approval to

Wise Words

2007-01-19T21:02:00.000-03:30

So live your life that the fear of death
can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion.
respect others in their view and demand
that they respect yours.
Love your life .. perfect your life .. beautify all things in your life.
Seek to make your life long and its purpose
in the service of your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day
when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or a sign of salute
when meeting or passing a friend...
even a stranger, when in a lonely place.
Show respect to all people and grovel to none.
When you arise in the morning give thanks
for the food and for the joy of living.
If you see no reason for giving thanks,
the fault lies only in yourself.
Abuse no one and no thing,
for abuse turns the wise ones to fools
and robs the spirit of its vision.
When it comes your time to die,
be not like those whose hearts are filled
with the fear of death,
so that when their time comes they weep
and pray for a little more time to live their lives
over again in a different way.

Sing your death song
and die like a hero
going home.

Chief Tecumseh
(Crouching Tiger)
Shawnee Nation 1768-1813

LittleMissSunshine

2007-01-16T13:25:00.000-03:30

So i found this site where you can watch all these movies. Its awsome. Only no one can figure out how to work it at home. it only seems to work here on this work computer.
anyway
first movie i looked for was Now and Then. And what do ya know.. lol it was there!
Oh my god, my girl Rosie is in it. and Devon Sawa. hahah oh man. sittin back watchin it made me feel like i was 13 again. oh lord. what a time i had watching it.
And i saw Little Miss Sunshine.
the movie is so funny.
this family it totally disfunctional. the little girl seems like the only real one there.
and theyre poor ol van. they gotta push it, then run and jump in cause the clutch is gone. then their grandfather dies, so they steal him from the hospital and takes him along.
or lordy
so funny. some parts were really serious though. so it kinda mixed it up a little. that little girl is so cute. i recommend to everyone! too cute. lol

I l o v e l o v e l o v e l o v e l o v e l o v e it

not a whole lot more is new.
time is ticking by faster and faster and before i know it, ill be boarding the plane back home.
still so nervous about the whole move.
i know when i get home, it will be like, did the last year even happen?? im sure none of this will seem real. I swear sometimes i think one day i gonna wake up and i will be 15 and the last 7 years will have been nothing but a big long dream. and now i get to relive it all over again.
I wonder if i would change anything. or nothing at all...

Ive had the flu now for days. this freekin nagging cough that will not go away. Its driving me nuts.

Mitz (the landlady) found 2 homeless natives bumpin uglies in our porch. the little one.. like, the main door where you walk in and then you buzz to get into the building.
lol
she said talk about me going with the javex.

hhahaha

gross. loves this town.

2007-01-08T21:53:00.000-03:30

Baby if i could keep it together, dont you think Id try?

2007-01-08T21:34:00.000-03:30

**and baby if i could make something of this.. why wouldnt i?**

I dont really have a whole lot to talk about
big surprise there
ive been off for 2 days and have done nothing but lie around in bed
its nice.
i did some laundry today and checked the mail.
go me.

I got my ticket for home. sweet jesus. im excited and nervous all at once. this has been my home for more then a year. a big messy unfortunate drunk home. but still, a home nonetheless.
i dont know what im going to do with all our stuff and its sad knowing that everything i worked so hard for is just going to be left behind.
i started from the ground up, you know. here with nothing. milk crates for couches and carboard boxes for tables. and now we have so much stuff that i dont know where to put everything.
and now, to just leave it all. its kinda sad. there were some things i really wanted to hold on to. like my coffee table. i know that sounds silly. but it was garbage and then i turned it into something really beautiful and i like that. our plain wooden dresser with the mirror. i think it would look nice in a living room. especially for what i have in mind for our living room style. and the futon. damnit. i wanna take that home!
GRRRRR
its just too bad. i wish i had more time. i wish i had more money. if i were "wealthy" id ship the whole deal home! shag buyin all new stuff. i like this stuff.

mike just got home and got some big heavy duity garbage bags. the kind that the 3 of us can get on. lol sliding tonight, bys!

Well i guess thats all for now. mike is callin out and his supper is alsmot ready.

Im comin.. Im comin home to you. Im alive... Im a mess. I cant wait to get home to you. to get warm .. warm and undressed.

Wont you let me get some sleep
wont you let me get some sleep tonight

its late now and theres one 4 hours till
i get up again
you know id wait somehow if i thought this was something a little
time could end
you
youre draggin this missery on
lets leave this thing for a while
its too far gone
to far gone

dont get your back up off of this
if im so wrong and youre so right
you really got your mind made up i guess
wont you let me get some sleep
wont you let me get some sleep
tonight

Stop! Its SPANDEX time!

2007-01-03T21:38:00.000-03:30

okay
oh my god
lets talk about news years. I hope you all get a fine laugh.

So new years. i had this fab dress. very nice. but i looked a little... shall i say.. lumpy in it. so i though, ha, ill get me spandex suit now and fix that
so i did
and i was lookin pretty hot too hey
it like went down almost to my knee, up under my boobs
woo hoo a whole size smaller

anyway went out to the bar me mike and robyn, had a great time. then after me and robyn went to nakitas cause she was havin a party. so we went. nothing but guys. and im not kidding. it was me robyn nikita and about 20 guys. lol
so we were having a fine ol time, i was drunk as a skunk.

so the night went on and i was standing in the kitchen (everyone was.. i dont know why) drinking away, kitchen full of guys and i fell. for no reason other then my legs didnt want to stand anymore.
so i went down, dress went up, legs went up and out and open and SPANDEX EVERYWHERE. LOL
my lord.
it was bad.
i sat on the floor, knowing everyone saw my not so sexy spandex suit. i sat there and was like fuck. fuck. fuck. shit. fuck mother fuck fucker fuck fuck.

hahah

fuck.

i sat there and was like i just fell
i just fuckin fell on the kitchen floor.
lol
i was so embarrassed i left the party.

it was such a sin.
couldnt be a kitchen full of girls. it was dickapaloosa. a big dick buffet and i went down right in the middle of it.

*sigh*

i am such a clutz. haha

and i got this HUGE bruise on the back of my thigh. big and dark black. i was like WTF where did that come from
haha
who knows.

happy new year me.
happy spandex suit to all of you.
lol

cripes

Dont you like girls? Just a little?

2006-12-31T00:42:00.001-03:30

oh my god
last night we went to the oil can. boobs out, drinks in. and we met up with these 2 girls i know from coming into work, marnie and joyce (theyre together)
so they always give me a hard time. i see them at the oil can all the time and they get me out dancning and stuff.
anyway, last night we were sittin at a table and joyce came over and sat with us and looked at me and robyn and was like, you know, you 2 make such a cute couple.
i was like, oh dear, were nothing together like that.. hehehe
she was kinda surprised. maybe its from all the dirty dancing and kissing. lol but only when skeevy old men are trying to pick us up. then we pull the lesbian card. or for money. haha we kiss for money (only one time! lol)
ANYWAY
at the end of the night, iw ent to say goodnight to marnie and shes like, "i dont mean to put you on the spot, but are you bi-courious at all?"
i was like, naw, not really. i mean, ive kissed girls. you know. dont do much for me. id perfer the men." lol god love her. shes like, come on, are you SURE you dont like girls? like, i bet you would if you tired.. (like trying to get me to sample a piece of food or something. lol. just give it a little try. dont know you dont like it unless you try or something. hehe) anyways i was like, nope, im pretty sure i liked the bird. she was married 9 years, got 2 kids, used to be a cop. shes super sweet.
shes like, "Lesley, shake yo big ass!"
so i wiggle it at them hah
too funny
anyway
that was my story. it was a fun night
were all gettin together tomorrow night for new years and goig to the oil can.
they were like, girl, if that dress shows your boobs, wear it!
lol

oh those silly lesbians. hehe

Dont you like girls? Just a little?

2006-12-31T00:42:00.000-03:30

A smile like that doesnt come from a town like this

2006-12-27T21:03:00.000-03:30

Christmas was good.
Really good. Everyone (Santa) was really good to me.
I got so many wonderful things.
a new fancy photographers camera. - expect more pictures.

im obsessed with a new song. lol does that surprise anyone? hhaha

I dont really have a lot more to say. no funny stories for now. No sad stories either, so thats a good thing, i guess.

I hope everyone is doing well. I hope everyone had a good christmas. and i hope everyone has a happy new year. Thanks for everything, everyone. everything was amazing.

my first christmas away from my home and my family wasnt so bad. i survived!
go me
i think i get points for just breathin in and out.
weve got so much trouble here. So much more trouble is coming.
Im holding my head though. keepin my word.
just breathin is gonna be tough when this is all done and over
Dirt mac is not working for me! thats for sure.
were still missin half a wall, still no heaters, taco time is still out. and were about a gazillion in the hole. were going up the richest man in canada, the manager from taco time said. no one has ever one.
i said, remember this face, cause this is going to be the first person who will.

just breathin is gonna be tough. keepin my head above it all.

Its coming on Christmas
Theyre cutting down trees
Theyre putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace

I wish I had a river I could skate away on

Now it dont snow here
It stays pretty green
Im gonna make a lotta money
And Im gonna quit this crazy scene

I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on

I made my baby cry

She tried hard to help me
She put me at ease
And she loved me so naughty
She made me weak in the knees

I wish I had a river I could skate away on

Im so hard to handle
Im selfish, Im sad
And Ive gone and lost the best baby that I ever had

I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet to fly

Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on

I made my baby say goodbye

Its coming on Christmas
Theyre cutting down trees
Theyre putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace

I wish I had a river I could skate away on

The Persute of Happyness

2006-12-18T13:36:00.000-03:30

(yes, spelled with a Y)

oh my god. this movie.
Me Robyn and Joleen went to the movies last night and saw it. im telling you, i cried through half of it. and I cried cause it was happpy and because it was sad and powerful.
oh my god.
I cant stand to see Will Smith cry. I want to see it again. I want to watch it right now. And man, can that man run. damn.
if theres nothing else you do, id say watch this movie first. Amazing. Amazing.
Amazing.

The theater... not so amazing. it was kinda sketchy. Kinda like the stephenville one.. but with smaller seats. im talking small. at first, i was like, i am not gettin my thighs in that seat. lol
robyn had to "shimmy" in (and not the sexy kind of shimmey) heh so you had to kinda of drop one side of your bum in first, then the other side, then slide back. my freekin pants (cause you know i wore pj pants lol) were sliding off my ass. i was like damnit. bare ass on the sketchy theater seat.
talk about laughing me and robyn were doing. then there was NO space between out row and the one in front of us, so when you slouch in the seat, your knees are pressed up against the other row. and then cause you were pretty much jammed in there you couldnt really move. lol
and im thinking, alright. fair is fair.. i got some ass goin on... but its not abnormally big. how do actual BIGGER people sit here? I wouldve been much more comfortable sittin on the floor in the middle of the isle.

ive got christmas baking to do today. Im excited about it.

oh, dear lord, you should see the christmas gift i got. we all had a christmas party last night with work and we did a gift exchange. Amanda got me this 10 inch pink jello dildo. LOL talk about laughing we did. oh my. maybe ill get a pic of it and post it so everyone can see how enjoyable it is. lol but really, who needs 10 inches
?
hahah

dakupag

2006-12-13T16:00:00.000-03:30

so i cant spell. buts its dakupag im talking about. that craft that rosie is obsessed with.
well she did it on her show the other day, looked like fun so i went nd got the stuff
it was pretty fun!
im excited abut it

and you know as soon as the view was over, there were lineups to get to the isle where the mod podge was and everything
i laughed a little

what an influence she has on people.
im on a little rosie kick now. im in love with her. hehe

im at work and were super slow.
ive had 4 money transfers all day. and one person checking their mail. ad one sending a fax.
whowh. im beat.

hmmm i dont really have a whole lot to talk about.
i think theres a dead body out behind our apartment by the dump, under the snow.
theres long human hair come out of the snow, and its been there a while, and if you try to kick it away, it doesnt come out. like its attached to something down there. and ill be damned if im the one who looks. lol
but me and robyn are like, man, theres definatly a body down there. hehe
but then like, if we call the cops or something and tell them waht i think, and they go and check it out and its really nothing but... like... fur or somethin growing off a rubber boot, ill be so embarrassed. maybe ill go over there after work and try to shuffel some of the snow away. i mean, if it is something dead (even an anamal with freekishly long hair) its been under snow and ice for a while, so it should be pretty well reserved, right?
oh god
*shutters*
dont even wanna think about it really
lol

oh my god, we have the CUTEST door! hahah me and robin wrapped our door in wrapping paperm then got ribbon and put around it (like it was actually wrapped in ribbon) and got this big green bow and put in the center.
it looks like a big present.
so cute. hehe
talk about us out gigglin at 12 in the night, taping christmas paper to our door.
good lord.

Hmmm there really isnt else to talk about.
i got the oc going on in the background. so thatl keep me busy for a little while

2006-12-10T01:22:00.000-03:30

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funnyI find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kinda funnyI find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell youI find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ...
world
Enlarge your world
Mad world

a different look

2006-12-06T02:27:00.000-03:30

All of Rosies blog entries
are like
poems
or words of wisdom, im not
really sure
but i figured
id give it a try since i cannot
stop reading hers

so here i am
on the floor
mike on the bed playin some game
a gambling game online
thank god
its not for real money
cause lord
knows
we dont have any of that

and his toes are wiggling
as he smiles
"i just won baby" he says
beaming
"i just won"

i got a package from mom and dad
today
with marlboro cigarettes..
my favourite along with
my longtime and always faithful friend
du maurier
and a talking picture frame
of mom and dad
wishing me a merry christmas
and sending their love
and my heart
broke
into a thousand pieces

but i guess
were all just tryin to pick up
the pieces
and mend them
and shape them
and dust them off
and make them whole again

here i sit
on the floor
a basket of clothes waiting to be folded
thankful we have a hundred
outfits
i suppose
but i hate to wash it
hate to fold it
and thankful for food
but i hate to cook it
and
clean it

is it possible to hate
and to thank
at the same time

here i sit
on the dirty carpet
thats waiting to be replaced
(or is that me waiting?)

here is what i know now
here is what i know now
here is what i know

we won baby
he said to me
we won
we won

we have clothes
and food
and though its ruined from a flood, carpet on
the floor of
our apartment
we've got no money
and im away from my family
but we've got love
and hes got talent

a talent at making me smile
even when im crying

so i guess we do win
money
or no money

thank god for that
we win

I knew no one would miss me so what the hell ..

2006-12-03T17:42:00.001-03:30

so today was the big day. I met Rez Goudy. lol is that how you spell his last name?
anyway i got in line for an hour and half, went up got my pic taken. he kinda cute. nice smile.perfect teeth.
i bet he bleeches them.

I was in line and i was surrounded by little girls. and theyre all puttin on their mascara (desperatly needing an eyelash curler) and plumping their lips with shiney lipgloss, wearing the tightest shirts they could buy. it kinda made me miss me. like, back when i was 13 or 14 and my biggest worry was what to wear to school dances.
If you were ever a teenie bopper, you know what im talking about.

I seen the most cracked out girl today.
we was outside (i seen her through the mall window) walking like her hips were dislocated, stick thin legs just buckeling every which way .. long lanky arms up and down and out... he jaw looked out of place.. like it had been broken and grew back wrong.. her eyes were sunken in.
my lord.
I hope the crack made her feel good inside because she was some hard to look at. but thanks to her and about 90% of the other natives here I will never in my life touch crack. I wont have anything to do with people who DO do crack.. Its such an ugly drug that shifts your whole body. my god.

here, sittin on the floor, with my bed (which is just sittin on the floor) i can see cigarette burns on the box spring. (the bed was given to us..) Come on now. how did someone manage to get cigarette burns on the BOXSPRING? what in the heck are they doing?
lol

i only ot 5 hours of sleep last night. - good sleep though.
so maybe ill go take a nap.
maybe ill get a couple more hours of good sleep in.

wishful thinking, i know.
Ive got work at wal mart tomorrow. then im back on evenings for a week for moneystop.
it breaks my heart. I hate working there. just the thought of it.

*its a cold and broken hallelujah*

2006-12-03T17:42:00.000-03:30

You are my home..

2006-12-01T15:27:00.000-03:30

Holy crap. december first already. christmas is just around the corner and it is scary scary.
theres a couple of birthdays too, in december that i though id mention.
Tammy. Happy Birthday!
Jennifer: Happy Birthday!
WEOOOOO GOOO

i got a call for an interview today. guardian security. id be working out on site, making 20+ dollars an hour. but its 3 days, 3 nights, 6 days off. 12 hour days plus 2 hrs a day travel. thats too much. i got too much stuff to do here at home (cooking, cleaning, washing) to be away for 14 hrs a day. so. i said no thanks and that was that.

*sigh*

not much else to talk about really. im still really wanting to listen to jann but her music is alsmot IMPOSSIBLE to download. did i spell that right? impossible? i hope so cause i put it in caps. if its spelled wrong AND cap sized, it just looks like im a screaming idiot. haha

hmmm what else?
no one has been updating their blogs lately. the 19th seemed to be a big day. everyone wanted to then. ad after that, its nothing.
come on now, people!
i neeeeed blogs!
something to keep me entertained. haha

hmmm well, i guess thats it for now. maybe i will write more tonight or something. but ive gotta get up to the mall and finish christmas shopping.
oh yeah
sexy rexy is coming to our crappy shitty mall here sunday to sign autographs
hahah
weoo goo

go sexy rexy.
lol
robyn is excited anyway
maybe ill get a couple pics for mom and dad or something.

oh my

I had a dream that I ...

2006-11-28T03:13:00.000-03:30

So I figured that id update again. an actual one this time. not just lyrics or something :-)

Things are going ok here, i suppose

oh my god though, crazy thing happened tonight!
so i was in the kitchen, cookin some supper. and i had the ham on the stove and i was standing back on to it, gettin the rice ready at the counter. anyway, i hear this huge bang and glass shatter.. i just out of my skin, messed myself a little (lol) and turned around and there was thousands of pieces of glass everywhere!
talk about me and robyn lookin, trying to find out where the glass came from.
me and her lookin up in the stove fan thingie, checking the bottles, the ceiling. lol. dont know what it was we were looking for.
anyway, then i reaised we were missing our big glass caserol dish!
it had exploded!
it was left on the bruner with a cookie sheet laid on top of it and i accidently turned on the wrong burner. guess the dish got hot and it seriously exploded into a bunch of pieces. there was glass everywhere. all over the kitched, down all the burners, behind the stove, in robyns room. i was shocked.
theres some kind of hex on our apartment. i mustve done something REALLY shitty in a past life or something. or something is tellin us to get the hell out of this apartment!
if we didnt have bad luck, wed have no luck at all!
so anyway, yeah, we had a little glass explosion.
could have been worse though. i couldve been facing the stove and got it all in my face and eyes.

oh, i also put in my 2 weeks notice at wal-mart! im going to be gettin more shifts at moneystop though. so ill only be working 20 days on, one day off.. instead of everyday.
Ill get a day off! and not have to worry about figuring out the schedule and dealing wth gettin off at 12 am, doing the deposit at 5am, then gettin up for walmart at 8am. i tell you.. thats tough.
so anyway, thats it. im glad. im gonna lose my discount card though. :-( and me and robyn DO have fun there. we used to dance a lot and get the fellas on the go. and theres cutie store-standard that im gonna miss seeing walk by. lol Im sure ill just go back to being creepy photolab lurker.
im good at that.

mike is in bed snoring away. hes all stretched out and silly. man, hes cute when hes sleeping. untill he talks and then hes mean in his sleep. but hes a very cute mean sleeper. he gets all confused and stuff too. like there a little while ago i sat on the bed and combed my hair and he kinda woke up, looked at me and was like, "why am i on your couch?" i was like, what my baby? he said, why am i on your couch? where is mine?
and he was all serious and confused and cute.
then rolled over ad was like "your couch is comfy anyway.." and went back to sleep.
hehe
oh my. hes my old fart.
he also makes fun of my little toe cause he says its a little pointy. okay, really pointy. hahahlike a little cone head. i think its cause all the pointy toe high heal shoes i wear all the time.
ohh the price you pay for beauty.
i mean, really.. who needs a pinky toe anyway?
hah

ive been craving for jann arden lately. time for mercy.. unloved.. give me back my heart.
good lord
all the songs that make me want to sit and cry. kinda like when she first walked out on stage and i bawled!
lol
remember that?
hahaha
it was like, please welcome.. Jann Arden! *WHAAAAAAAAAAAA* tears just flying everywhere.

I am constantly losing my iternet connection.
it is driving me insane.
talk about me powercycling and releasing and renewin.
im a lean mean ipconfig machine.

anyway i guess this is long enough for now. its after 12 and ive got to go to bed.

ive updated my picture site.
www.justlesley.piczo.com

*its a little too late for sorry now.... It's time for mercy.. It's time for mercy.. It's time for mercy.. MeRcY Me*

2006-11-27T04:02:00.000-03:30

Well I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
Yes I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my brother standing by
With my brother standing by
I said Brother, you know you know
Its a long road weve been walking on
Brother you know it is you know
it is Such a long road weve been walking on

And I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my sister standing by
With my sister standing by I said Sister,
here is what I know now
Here is what I know now Goes like this..

In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love

But sister you know Im so weary
And you know sister My hearts been broken Sometimes,
sometimes My mind is too strong to carry on
Too strong to carry on

When I am alone
When Ive thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When Ive lost all care for the things I own
Thats when I miss you,
Thats when I miss you,
Thats when I miss you

You who are my home
You who are my home
And here is what I know now
Here is what I know now Goes like this..

In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love

Well I had a dream I
stood beneath an orange sky
Yes I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky
With my brother and my sister standing by
With my brother and my sister standing by
With my brother and my sister standing by

Dear Santa.. Dont even Bother ...

2006-11-20T02:29:00.000-03:30

I've been naughty all year!

So things have brightened up a little
well
not really

lol

mike lost his position at work
we lost the company truck

and then for an extra foot up the ass ... the legs COMPLETELY broke off our bed. now we sleep on just a matress on the floor
lol

kick us when were down! thats what i say!

but im feeling a litte better now. thank god. tough times..
but hey, like i said, it couldve been much much worse. couldve lost a lot more.
i finally got the internet back up!
thanks to vera who gave us a modem

knows i cant live without my internet!
well thats it for now
i suppose i must go on and get some ice cream and go to bed.
well, sit into bed... on the floor
lol

ohhh if we didnt have bad luck wed have no luck at all!

Nov 15, 2006

2006-11-18T01:43:00.000-03:30

we had a flud.
we have pretty much lost everything. we have no furniture in our living room.
Nothing but big huge fans and dehumidafyers (however you spell it) mike lost his position at his job and has been transfered somewhere he hates.we are losing the company truck.we are back to square one again. mike has been sleeping at a friends house for the last week. me and robyn havebeen sharing a futon thats piled into my bedroom with the rest of our waterlogged furniture. we are back to square one and its killing me. we worked so hard for everything just to have everything taken away again and im tryingto be strong and act like its okay.. im trying to do the whole "we always make it through" bullshit speach but i cant even anymore. im sittin on the floor in our living room, fans blowing my hair all around, its so hot here, the sweat is just rolling down my back and i have no one. i have no one and nothing and i cant even pretend anymore.all i want to do it lay down somewhere cool and dark and cry untill theres nothingleft inside of me to come out.cry untill my tears form something that can get me out of here...i just want to cry but i know its no use. cryin isnt going to bring back the cealingin taco time. crying isnt going to reverse the damage done. crying isnt going to put the carpet back on the floor and the furniture back in our living room. Crying isntgoing to clean the dishes that have been in out kitchen since last saturday. the kitchen thatwe have no access too. Crying isnt going to change the fact that i brush my teeth in the tub because we dont have access to a sink..crying isnt going to get mikes job back and its not going to get the truck back.crying isnt going to bring me home, which right now, is the only place i want to be.crying isnt going to fix anything. ive said since ive been here.. one step forward, 2 steps back. the town seemsto kick us when were down the lowest.. no one is willing to help. I am alone.I am alone and I have the flu and i dont have an apartment and i had to sleep in thehallway for the first night and i cant get to my closet to get clean clothes and i cant find half ofmy stuff, and mikes play station is ruined and my modem is ruined and stove needsto be cleaned and i need new shampoo and i need new bedsheets, i need a bed to sleep in, i need someone to hug, i need someone to tell me its okay because im saying it so often that it doesnt even sound real tome anymore. the words dont sound like mine.. like theyrenot coming from my mouth. from my body.
I just need all of this to be over. I need someone to help me fight becuase i just cant do it anymore.and i know this is all just the beginning. i know this is going to be long and hard and is it even worth it?ive got my shit packed up now, im almost ready to say forget it! and just get a ticket home.im just almost ready to give up.but i know people depend on me here. i know ive got to get up off the floor, whipe my eyes, blow my knows, fixmy hair and smile and reassure everyone that im fine and that itll be ok and not to worry about me. im fine, were goin to be fine. its going to be okay.

but is it? i mean reallly, is it going to be okay?is there a way to fix this?

I hate the feeling of being alone.
not being able to breathe. not being able to think straight.
sittin on a floor surrounded by a mess of the construction crews shit and nothing of my own..its so hot in here i cant breathe.
I cant think.
i cant feel.
i cant cry.
i cant do anything... but sit here alone. by myself. and pretend to smile.

red shoe diaries

2006-10-28T03:35:00.000-02:30

im going to bed soon
i dont know why im writing, really. i dont have a whole lot to say..

i got some new shoes today. ohhhh theyre nice ones too
brings me up to about 6 feet tall lol and red. hehe of course, because it was buy one get on 50% off, i got a little matching red clutch.

i dont have to tip-e-toe to kiss mike. lol

i realised i dont write as much as i used to. like in a journal and stuff... i used to write poetry and songs and i used to feel all these crazy feelings and stuff that drove me to write. i dont know if its a good or bad thing that i dont have those same feelings anymore. probably good, id say. but who knows.

i think im going to get my hair cut tomorrow. im in serious need of one! id say i need to cut about 3 inches to get rid of the dead ends. probably more. and i found some "layers" in my hair that i didnt even know i had. so i think ill get her to even those out a big.
no surprise i didnt know about them though. my hair is so big ive lost bobby pins in it and havent found them untill the next day when i wash it.
them im droppin bobby pins in the tub everywhere.
hahah
as joleen would say, its degrassi hair. she says im like the twins. heheh
erica is the only one i can remember. jessica maybe?
i cant remember.
no i dont think its jessica.

hmmmm for someone who didnt have anything to write about, ive written quite a bit, huh? i think ill post a pic of my new shoes.. for everyone to enjoy :-)

well, i suppose that it all for now. mike and me and going out to breakfast tomorrow with some of his friends from work.

hello humpties!
they have the BEST breakfast... mmmmmmmmm meat pan-scrambeler.

*drools*

2006-10-26T15:06:00.000-02:30

We might kiss when
we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you

Why do you sing with me at all?

Not even smoke to fill my tummy...

2006-10-21T13:49:00.000-02:30

I quit smoking!
I decided last night. :-) i got in the cab, reached for my smokes and "damnit. damn fuck shit damn shit fucker" my smokes were gone. i lost them AGAIN.
everytime i go out, i bring half a pack only and EVERYTIME i go out, i lose them. never fails.
and as if i can afford to at 11 bloody dollars a pack!
so i was angry and drunk and said to myself (or out loud to the dumbass taxi driver who didnt know where taco time was. i mean come on.. look for the bloody sign. its a HUGE ASS mother fuckin cactise for crying out loud. its like the biggest sign in this shit hole. and bright green and light up! you gonna tell me you never noticed that sign before? and to make the best of it, i told him to turn in, i said "see that big taco time sign? turn in" and he kept driving! i was like god, just stop here! - in the middle of the road. so i gave him money and was like "thanks" )
so wait.. what was i talking about?
oh yes
so i said to myself, "im sick of being smelly. i want to be healthy. i really need to sart considering my health. i quit."

hah

im sure those werent my exact words. i think they were more like, lost me fuckin smokes again, im too fuckin poor for this, i quit.

so i woke up this morning, a little suprised that i still remembered, and decided to sick to it.

but im quitting eating. and smoking.
lord help me.

maybe ill jog!
wouldnt that be fun? maybe ill start. ill get robyn to start with me!
okay, maybe im dreaming too big.
next time we get drunk ill bring it up and seee what she thinks.

but for now, i quit smoking, i hate foreigners, (i think i spelled that wrong lol) and im sticking to my rice cakes.

go lesley!

rice cakes... blah

2006-10-18T21:38:00.000-02:30

so im on a new diet. not so much as a meal plan kinda diet. just not so much junk food. im actually into rice cakes a lot. i want a snack, eat a rice cake, breakfast, rice cake, snack rice cake.
theyre not all that pleasent to be honest. and im sure i could eat a paper towel and get more flavour. lol
but then again, i do get me out a mean slice of fat free see through cheese and melts it on top of those bad boys. lol. flavourless rice cakes and useless cheese. mmmm fill my tummy.

hah

so today is mine and mikes 3rd year annavarsary. im sure theres an I in that word somewhere. honestly, im too lazy to put the effort into spelling it out right now lol
so back to my story.
3 years. go me! see, im a good girl after all! who ever wouldve known? *smiles* and so tonight, since weve never been before and mike always says he wants to go, im taking mike out to the keg for supper. :-) my treat.
now.. if only i can get him home... (hes out late today helpin kenny from work doing something or another)
ive eaten nothing but a few rice cakes and an apple today.

well, speaking of apples!
i went to save on last night. and sweet mother. there was these little plastic bags with cute little handles full of shiny perfect little (medium size, really) apples. bc apples, nonetheless. so i figured id get them. very good. there goes 7 or 8 dollars right? something youd expect to pay for some wicked bc apples. no sir.. checked them out.. 17.50$ i nearly fell over!
so i swipped my little save on card and got 5$ off. still. 12 fricking dollars! i looked at missy and i said "these better be some damn good apples for 12 dollars!"
she looked kinda shocked.
oppss, maybe a little too blunt lesley.
but come on! 12.00$? frickin nuts

the whole world is gone nuts.

im starved. where the heck is mike?

spose ill have a rice cake to tie me over.

hmmm

2006-10-11T15:32:00.000-02:30

I figured id update since i havent for a while, but i dont really have a whole lot to say.
my new job is going well. theres not a lot to do but its wicked. I love who i work with. - besides the older ladies. theyre not as fun!
haha
but then again, aside from nan, i dont know ANY older ladies who are fun. hahah

oh my. im looking for the song "love you lately" by daniel powter. of course, i cant download anything. my pc is such a piece of crap. lol god love it. it makes me soooo freekin angry
lol

oh my. well, i supposed thats all for now. i must go on a get ready for work, i guess.

*why do people with accents not sing with accents? like british people? or french..*

An Observation

2006-09-30T23:32:00.000-02:30

So I've come to realize something..
Lawyers are a lot like hookers.

Clients come to both lawyers and hookers. And both screw you for money.

Clients pay a ton of money expecting some miracles to be performed .. But leave with nothing but a little irritation (either mentally or between the legs)

Clients leave feeling a little bit better then when they came, but they know they will never hear from them again.

They both charge by the hour

and

secretaries, like pimps, take care of all the inside work.

Well its about freekin time! it took me 2 days!

2006-09-27T23:21:00.000-02:30

to find a new job!
thats right ladies and gentlemen.
i got me a new job!
It pays a little more, its in the same parking lot, the hours are decent.. the manager is a friend of mine! the girls from the hotel i used to work at work there now hehe so its all good.

I suddlenly forgot everything else i had to say!
i start on monday
i have sunday off!
thats right. a whole day off. and im not doing a damn thing! no laundry, no cleaning! (besides the bathroom.. this room needs a good scrubbin) im sleeping in! its going to be good. so so good!

im excited.
finally.
seems like something good might be happening.

perhaps im steppin 2 feet forward and only one back this time..
feels nice for a change!

ohhh tequilla makes her clothes fall off!

2006-09-25T23:32:00.000-02:30

well im sure everyone wants to hear a funny story!

so..
saturday night i got some tequilla. and a flask. and i drank. boy oh boy i drank. had almost a full bottle of tequilla gone myself and put quit the dent in my flask.
got to the newfie club, did some more tequilla. lol
so by 1:30 i decided it was time for me to go to bed!
so i came home, dropped right in the bed. went to sleep.

mike said i woke up at 3:00 ish and went to the window. trying to open the window or messin with the blinds. he said, what are you doing lesley?
i said "nothing!"
i was tipping something over.. he said "what are you tipping over les?"
"NOTHING!"
then i bent over and was playing with my toes for a while..

anyway the next morning, mike got up and went to put on the clean clothes he had picked out for work the night before. and they were SOAKED!
i was after peein on all his clean clothes in my sleep!
ahahah
well talk about laughing me and robyn did when we heard.
robyn said "thats not bad. got so drunk she pissed in someone ELSES pants!"

hahahahah

Im takin the day off tomorrow to look for a new job!
screw my job. there better that pays more. and im going to find it. im sick of puttin up with their bull all the time. shag it now. im done!

anyways thats it for now. im going to go get in a nice long bubble bath and have candles and music and smokes and im going to relax and take a few minutes for myself. just some quiet time. no one but me.

ohhhh, it will be nice.
im excited just thinking about it.

just relax.. close my eyes. listen to some music, soak in some bubbles....

*sigh*

Oh Greys Anatomy

2006-09-23T01:11:00.000-02:30

well i saw the premier.. the real one! apparently CTV played eppoisode 2 and not the premier! thank god i watched ABC! hehe
but it was good! oh soooo good! *happy sigh*

theres not a whole lot more to talk about other then that hah
i got work tomorrow at wal mart. lord help me tonight. 9-5! what the heck is that anyway? im pretty sure i asked for late shifts. my christ.

what else is there to talk about?
hmmmmm ... not a whole lot really.
its friday night and im NOT going out. i WILL save money heh
not like Robyn who meant to transfer rent money into mikes account and accidently put it on her phone bill. lol now she cant get it and now she has no money. hah god love her. what a mess!

anyway i guess thats it. since im not doing anything and its friday at 10:00 and i have work in the morning, i might as well go to bed or something.

blah.
Blah.

Yuck

at work

2006-09-14T16:36:00.000-02:30

I feel very newfoundlandish today.
I came to work with my good ol spegatti os and a can of wieners and a pineapple can of pop. Hhehe listenin to peter street and the night that patty Murphy died. Lol
I miss home a little.

Im at work here now, on my lunch break. I got 10 minutes still. Sheesh. An hour is a long time if you got nothing to do and no where to go.

I feel a little sick after eating supper. Lol as always. Suppose ill hav to sneak down in the basement later to have a poop or something! Hahah

Anyway, I suppose ill have to go on there now. Margarette is here so ill go have a chat

Hope everyone is doing well.

oh i updated my pic site. added some music and stuff. haha
www.justlesley.piczo.com

poem

2006-09-11T04:16:00.000-02:30

here I am
alone again

half ass smiling

because you think I'm cute ...

but not beautiful

i guess i just want some say inbetween

2006-09-10T23:37:00.000-02:30

Oh my. i was all in the mood to write, but im not anymore.
i dont really have a whole lot to talk about.
work was a bitch today
ohhhh my poor feet. Im going to start wearing sneekers!

i had quite an incident with a flight of stairs on friday night!
tumbeled right down a full flight. lol
know i never giggled.
but then it hurt and it wasnt so funny. but it happens. hahah
i tell you. never even made the top step. went right down. hahah
oh my.
got a hefty little bruise goin on on my fat lady ankle. but thats nothing new. damn thing. i didnt need it anyway! hahah
its just an ankle.

im all of a sudden very tired.

i think i might take a little nap for an hour.

i will write more when i got something interesting going on!
sorry tobe such a bore.
:0)

I figured

2006-09-06T22:07:00.000-02:30

I figured id write since i havent in a while and im just here waiting for supper.

I havent been doing much lately. lovin my boones wine (for only 3.49 a bottle!) everynight then droppin in bed.
It just feels like im constantly tired. just draggin my ass all over downtown. this was the long weekend. i was supposed to have monday off. i was excited.. do nothing. relax. sleep.
i was talking to robyn though, and she said she was scheduled in by herself. so i went in with her. so no days off for me. haha good lord.
it seems so routine. monday to friday i get up at 7:30, get the bus at 8. at work by 8:15. write amy from 8:15 to 8:25. go walk behind carol and take her bags as she walks up the stairs (shes the receptionist at work. she got some kind of infection virus thing in her spione years ago that left her almost paralized.. so she uses a cane now) 8:38 to 12 i work. 12 to 12:25 i eat. 12:25 to 1 i either talk to margaret or write amy. work untill 5. catch the bus at 5:15. home by 5:25. get supper ready. most nights eat by 7. then do whatever, sometimes nap untill later, go out on the deck with my wine and my smokes and finish it off. then go in, watch a few eppisodes of O.C then go to bed
and do it all again

I am desperatly addicted to the O.C and to Greys anatomy. oh my. I just cant get enough.
theres a lot i cant get enough of.
I think im very over compulsive.

So theyre raising the rent here. 150$. yikes. as if its not expensive enough now.
they start december first. right in time for chirstmas too. little buggers.

well supper is ready. i realise ive done nothing but complain in this entry. so i figure id say something positive or something. just so i dont seem all dumpy and stuff.

Ive got some nice shoes :0) hehehe
I am lucky because I have nice shoes. Even if they do make my toes little sore.
Its a small price to pay ... for pretty pretty shoes.

*maybe Im amazed at the way I really need you*

Hate me

2006-09-04T02:01:00.000-02:30

I have to block out thoughts of you,
so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach
leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you,

Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me,
it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicide or hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a manUntil I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling
"Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered
"How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

hmm

2006-08-27T18:12:00.000-02:30

it feels like i should update. i dont have much to say though. nothing at all really.

me and mike went for breakfast today. just got back actually. (nevermind its 2:30) lol
you can get brekfast all day at the kozy korner. some good.

I called in sick today, well, i was out last night drinking. i didnt wanna get up at 8 to go to work. i wanted a day off. i needed a day off. I think i deserved one!
i felt bad for callin in sick though. but i wasnt opening or closing.. i ws just kindve inbetween.

2006-08-27T18:00:00.000-02:30

Mike updated

http://www.mikespage81.blogspot.com/

head in my hands here i am standing in my bare feet..

2006-08-22T02:57:00.000-02:30

watching you walk away..
watching you walk away..

im addicted to that song. that one and you really got a hold on me.
good lord.
i need to get out more.

i have been working non stop for the past.. well, really, for the past ever. saturday night i was working at walmart and never got out of there till 10! 10! yikes! by the time me and robyn got to the liquor store it was going on 10:30. then i drank and drank and drank and apparently dove across the bathroom floor of the oil can. lol. it WAS slippery and i was in heals. lol
jeeze did robyn laugh. i even laughed so hard i peed a little. LOL
and mike and robyn tell me that they had quit the time gettin into the apartment and gettin to bed. that was fine and dandy.
got up at 8 the next morning and headed to work again. Hefty buzz on i had too! hahah
anyway this whole situation came up at 5:30 (we close at 6) where a man came in needin pics done right away.. his baby boy died the day before and he needed the pics monday for the funeral. so we stopped everything we were doing and just printed his pics. and of course, we had to alter the pics to take out the red eye. and we all had a look at them and had them blown up and stuff. there were pictures oh the dad and the baby lying in bed sleeping.. and the little baby posing and stuff. and the dad was there telling me that he never had any kids before and he never will again cause this was his little boy.. his son
well, knows i didnt cry
me and robyn sat in back printing pictures and had a little cry for ourselves..
you think you got it so bad.. but here it is. a little baby boy.. maybe 3 months old.. died on their way here for vacation. now they gotta ship him back home in a casket.
there i was thinking about how hard my life was. oh, this is so shitty, oh i hate working, blah blah blah. he had a son on friday.. and on sunday, hes printing pictures for the fineral.
it breaks the heart.
anyway we done a bunch of pics, had them blown up, had a cd done.. everything we could do.. and just gave it to him for free..
they were greatful. said they were going to write to the paper about us. we cried a little more. then we had to finish all the other work we put on hold to do the pics.
it was after 7 before we got out of there.
i worked like 9 and a half hours and only got one 15 minute break.
it was my choice though. i had a lunch and everything scheduled. but we were so busy that i didnt want to leave the girls short.
so anyway i worked crazy hours over the weekend.. just to get to bed, get up and do it all over again monday.
im tired.

other then that theres really not a whole lot more to talk about. all ive been doing is working, drinkin, sleeping.
im lookin forward to wednesday.
oh and i got a couple new bras today!
i did the whole scratch to win whatever percent off your purchase price and actually won 50% off! i danced a little and everything. so i got 2 wicked bras (that have the changable straps. like halter, strapless, criss cross or see through straps) for 38$!!! and theyre nice and got a litle padding and stuff. and if you know me, you know i dont get a decent bra for less then 40$. and here i am... got 2 for 38. I was impressed!

so thats my litttle story.

mike is here in bed sleeping. i can feel his breathing on my arm.
chest moving up and down to the same rhythm everytime.
hes beautiful when he sleeps.
sometimes i sit and wonder how i was ever lucky enough to get him.
no one will love me like he does.

im kinda missin home tonight. mom and dad.. deb, shel, jenn, tammy, dave.. all my friends.
pam.. lord knows she can make me dream of impossible things. (but she always makes them seem realistic) amy.. the only person i really have from a part of my past. (the one really worth holding on too...) my bed, my room... downtown.

ohhhhhh a little more homesick now.
time to go to bed. and cuddle into the only family i have here. hes all i got, you know. him and robyn. what would i do without them.

*the moon is full. and my arms are empty. and all night long how i've pleaded and cried.. you always said the day that you would leave me ... would be a cold day in july..
well here comes that cold day in july.. *

who knows

2006-08-12T23:45:00.000-02:30

And my eyes, you know
are always so beautiful in the light

my lips so smooth
my teeth so white

and I'll smile and shrug
and maybe I'll sing

But no one knows
this pain Im hiding

Because I've got it together
on the outside you'll see

but inside I'm broken
A thousand pieces of me

Disease

2006-08-12T23:40:00.000-02:30

My sores are more then
skin deep
their roots... the very seeds
reach into
my soul
making me untouchable

I want to reach inside
and pull them out

The desease that takes
my breath away

I want to destroy
destroy the ugly that
lays on the inside
and outside

my painful skin

Count those raindrops when you feel em falling down

2006-07-29T00:33:00.000-02:30

hunny all around you ****

Im sittin here having me a beer
going out tonight again, i say
i jsut cant say no. its a disease. and once i start i cant stop untill it is physically impossible to get anymore beer inside me,
messsed up i know.
but what do you do, i guess.

work was so insane today. i was the only one working in "the pool" i was doing really good too. doing the work of 3 fuckin assistants and keeping on top of it. untill this huge thing happened and i was rushed off my ass trying to do something for this one person. it had to be done at 4 and it was like, 3:45, lol
talk about panic
i was like WHY DIDNT COLEEN TELL ME?!? GRRRRRRRRRRR
but i survived.

My bus riding friend simone is on vacation for 3 weeks. today was her last day. im gonna miss her. :-( i see her every morning and every aternoon. now ill just be a lonely loser on the bus by myself. oh my.

Not much else to report
im lsitening to fire by joe budon or whatveer. makes me very homesick for geroge street.

anyways robyn is yelling at me to come drink.
and since im just her helpless bitch i have to listen.
she controls me you know
shes such a strong influence on me. a bad one too.
YIKES
someone... send for help

shes ruining my good girl image!

******* thats where the natives sleep robyn!!!**************************

cause its you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

2006-07-22T15:19:00.000-02:30

saturday afternoon. Im tired. I just got out of bed, but I'm still tired. I have work in a couple hours. Its to the point now where i just want a day off. The laundry barely gets done, the room is a mess.. im not going to start in on the kitchen.. poor ol mike is working today too, hes not gonna have supper ready when he gets home.

this place is nothing but work.
work work eat sleep if you can, work work

and today im going to be working with martha. Robyn says shes right on, but i dont like her already. Shes an older heavy woman who does nothing but sit in the back all day printing pictures.
Im the one thats doing to be doing all the bitch work.
knows its gonna be sensible. haha if she makes me made enough, I'll just quit.
say fuck you. i dont need this job and quit. lol

My tooth is doing really well. no pain, no infection no nothing. im impressed. I still tilt my head to the right side when i chew to make sure i dont chew on it though. lol
I knows i looks sensible out somewhere eating. haha
but thats it, i suppose. whatta ya do.

anywayas enough for now.
ive got things to do before i go to work. and do all the work.
GRRRR

Erotic oil rig pigs

2006-07-19T02:35:00.000-02:30

and 350$ later....

2006-07-19T02:17:00.000-02:30

i went to the dentist today.
oh my lord.
so missy saw me, brought me in the back room. and was like, whats going on lesley
so i told her about my cracked tooth and the big dirty filling and stuff
and she started describing all these symptoms..
shes like.. so it throbs..
yes!
and cold air hurts it..
oh yes, oh yes
and when you breath in or move sometimes theres sharp shooting pain.
oh yes! thats right
and she went on and on
i was like yes! yes! nodding.. all excited cause she knew what i was talking about
Oh youre going to need a root canal..
I covered my mouth and was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
oh my god. i nearly cried.. a freekin root canal! i was like no way, i cant afford it right now.
so we decided to do just the first stages which is drain the infection and junk. then come back in a couple weeks time and finish it.
so i was in the chair, having a panic attack, waitiing for the dentist (who, was informed that i waas terrified of thee dentist) and he comes in was like, relax.. this is goig to hurt a little..
so he grabs the inside of my cheek with his finger, gets this freekin needle and starts jabbin it in my gums over and over! i was like AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH
then after about 10 times he did it and my whole body jerked and this stuff squirted out and i squeeled a little... i was like instant cry..
and hes like finally.. i hit the nerve!
i was like fuckin right. i dont know what you hit but that was less them pleasent!
so then we worked out a little payment plan and decided to do the whole rootcanal.
so he walked away for a min. my whole throat went numb and my tongue went numb but i could still feel my teeth a little. so he came back and i was like more. i need more
so he did the jabby thing again. -- this time it was half as bad. i could barely feel it.
he walked away for a min.. came back and sat down and was ready to get to it and i was like no way. dont start drilling. i need mooooooooore. i dont want to feel my face. i was like give me some more. so he gave me a couple more shots of the good stuff. the he clamped my mouth open and stared drilling and burning and doing all the crazy stuff. talk about pressure and vibration and argh... i dont even want to think about it. but at this point, i could feel the left side of my face. i was like something with a stroke.
the nure walked in then and was like, youre still here?
and hes like im still doing the rootcanal.
and she was like.. ohhhhhhhh do she know?!?!
lol
then she said i was such a good brave girl. i felt like a little girl. talk about me fighting back the tears.
so hes drilling and bits of tooth and flying up in my face and all over the place and missy is trying to suck the shit out of my mouth and then hes using this hot gun and this steam is coming out of it and the smell of burning nurve or gum or something is sour and turning my guts.
wanting to puke, cry, fart, scream. lol
i was sensible.

So i got it done anyway.
i got me some penisellin, tylenol 3s (which are wonderful wonderful little pills)
im still feelin good from poppin back a couple of thm. and now its 11 and i have to go to bed.
but its all done.
Thank god for that!

so theres my story.
im going to upload a couple pics we took the other night LOL
interesting...

I had a feeling I could be someone.. be someone..

2006-07-15T02:59:00.000-02:30

im sittin here. tooth is hurtin like something savage tonight.
good lord
it was soooo good for so long. and now tonight.. bang!
i feels like pullin the damn thing out myself.

tomorrow i start in the photolab.
im excited.
me and robyn are closing tomorrow. so guarented its gonna be a laugh.
i totally spelled that word wrong, huh?
lol
anyway. im excited! and then tomorrow night were going out to the newfie club!

I got new jeans today
managed to squeeze my butt into a 34. lol
i got some stretching in to do tommorw though. theyre a little tight in the belly. not uncomfy tight.. but a little more tight then i like!
but they look real good in the butt. haha and they were on sale.

i can NOT stop shopping. its like a disease. only instead of being an alcoholic or drug adict or something i cant stop shopping. a shopoholic i say!

so no one has been updating their blogs.
not impressed.
ive got to have some way to keep in touch with everyone!
this once a month bull just isnt cuttin it.
EVERYONE... GET UPDATING!

holy cripes. i gotta go get some ora jell on this tooth. Gell? jell? lol
wtf is it
hahah
ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i need a dentist!

*be myself I got nothing to prove..*

2006-07-12T01:23:00.000-02:30

Well this town has closed down,
way too earlyAnd there's nothing to do
So I'm driving around in circles
And I'm thinking about you
Today I heard you got a new last name
I sure didn't know it was gonna hit me this way
And the radio just keeps on playing all these
Songs About Rain...

Now there's all kinds of songs about babies
and love that goes right
But for some unknown reason
Nobody wants to play them tonight
Hey, I hope it's sunny wherever you are
That's sure not the picture, tonight in my car
And it sure ain't easin' my pain

All these songs like...
Rainy Night In Georgiaor Kentucky Rain
Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again
Blue Eyes Cryin in the Early Morning Rain
They go on and on, and there's no two the same
Oh it would be easy to blame all these
Songs About Rain

Well, I thought I was over you
But I guess...maybe I'm not'Cause when I let you go
Looks like lonely was all that I got
I guess I'll never know what could've been
it sure ain't helping this mood that I'm in
If they're gonna keep on playin these songs like...

Rainy Night In Georgiaor Kentucky Rain
Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again
Blue Eyes Cryin in the Early Morning RainThey
go on and on, and there's no two the same
Oh how I wish I could blame all these

Songs About Rainall these Songs About Rain...

2006-07-10T02:14:00.000-02:30

me and robyn "burrowing" after nevel made us burry to the left! to the right! the right! BURROW!"

2006-07-10T02:13:00.000-02:30

me showing off my sexy sexy back hah
some scary!

2006-07-10T02:09:00.000-02:30

me putting corn between daniel "nevels" toes.
*come here girl! whats your name girl?! come here a minute!* hahaha

2006-07-10T02:08:00.000-02:30

2006-07-10T02:07:00.000-02:30

this is me and my cowboy hat.
haha
howdy partner

weeeeeekend

2006-07-10T02:04:00.000-02:30

had a good weekend. heres a couple pics. hahaha

Broken Inside

2006-07-06T23:07:00.000-02:30

And my eyes, as you know
Are always beautiful in the light

My lips so smooth
My teeth so white

And I'll smile and shrug
And Maybe I'll sing

(But no one knows the pain I'm hiding)

Because I've got it together
Outside, you'll see

But inside I'm broken
A million little pieces of me....

thats it.. they've fired me ...

2006-07-06T00:20:00.000-02:30

so i was at work.
just gettin back from lunch i notice this letter on my desk..
hand delivered to lesley porter. from campbell and cooper.
i thought this is it. this is my pink slip they fired me for sure!
talk about my little knees shakin and my hands shakin hahah
opened it up
and thanks for your hard work. blah blah heres a bonus! they gave me 130$ WOOOT
and theyre giving me my benifits 2 months early!
how exciting it that!
i was like WTF are you kidding me?
ahahah
i was pleased.

*the red light has been following me. but dont worry mother its only my gravity. Hold me release me show me the meaning of mercy let me fly...... let me fly....*

popping back the advil liquid gells (jells?) those pill thingies..

2006-07-03T01:22:00.000-02:30

oh my god.
last night was so much fun.
me and robyn decided to get good and drunk and go to the newfie club. I dont know what it is about that place and old men. but they seem to love us.
I ended up tearing the ass right out of my jeans. my favourite ones.
me and robyn were dancing and i notice these 2 little skinny sluts watching us then trying to outdance us..
so i was like oh no you didnt!
so me and robyn went to it. dancing like a bunch of little whoes. hoes? hhah whores. tits out a little, jeans down a little (just showin a bit of undies) haha and i went up and down on robyn like a little mofo. but i tore the crotch right out of my pants! not impressed.
but the guys were loving it, the skanks didnt seem to impressed over us, haha
i didnt even see them after that.

oh me
then on the way home, robyn decided she wanted to lay on the pavement. so i was like whatever. im fine with lying on the side of the road haha (the curb, of course) so we lay there, "star gazing" really she was smoking and we were laughing really hard at the old french men. and why.. why do old me wear socks with sandals? to the club?
hello
hahah
looks good!

anyways enough for now. the night was too messed up to even finish what happend.
LOL
fun times, fun times..

im proud to be an islander and heres the reasons why!

Oh the weather outside is frightful!

2006-06-30T21:08:00.000-02:30

not really
its nice and coool today. only 24 or 5 ish with a nice little breeze. lovely, i might say. just lovely.

well i nearly died at work today!
i might have mentioned before, how all the girls (women) are there and they ALL love to be stressed out. they go around huffing and puffing and scurrying around like little chickens with their heads cut off. now, its only a small firm. theres not that much room in the hallways or anything. haha
anyways this ol bitch nancy, from newfoundland got a cleff lip or hair lip or whatever you wanna call it.. anyway her lip if funny. shes an ol bitch. shes right ignorant and bossy and i honestly, just dont like the look of her. hahaha (im laughing just thinking about it)
anyway she was practically running down the main hall where everyones desk is. mine, of course, is right out in front, in the open.. and she fell!
hahhahahahahaha
tits up, glasses went flying shoes went flyin! she skidded across the carpet like a savage.. her in her little jean skirt then. hair and tits all a flop.
everyone was like, "omg nancy are you alright? oh my god!" she was beat red. you knows she wanted to cry! i almost bust. of course, i had to be nice and hold it in.
but thats it, i guess.
karma kicking you right in the butt.
or should i say, kicking your ass and making you slid on the carpet.
haha
be nice or youll eventually whipe our in front of everyone and make a fool of yourself
LOL

i loved it

Im gonna melt into a puddle.. then im gonna drink myself!

2006-06-28T22:43:00.000-02:30

its been too hot to post lately. well, lately, its been too hot to do anything!
were in the middle of a heat wave. its like 35+ every day. -not kidding.
i sit on the couch and the sweat just drips off my face and down my legs and behind my ears.
theres no point in whipping it away. itll be there again within a minute. 2 minutes if you have a high tolerance to heat...

me and robyn went and bought bathing suits yesterday and went to the pool! first time i bought a bathing suit in a while *evil smile at jenn* hahah
its a pretty navy blue one. it has pretty little bows on the front. of course, it has a little shirt to disguise my chubby thighs. hahahah

funny story though!
so me and robyn goes to the pool.. at adult swim. no kids aloud. and we sees this big ol tube slide..
its the kind of slide where you lie on your back, cross your arms, shoot straight down (like a bullet) and skids into a little thing of water.
only not so drastic.. its just a kids tube slide. but never underestimate the fun of a kids slide! haha it was actually big! so anyway.. robyn was like, im going on that slide. and i was like, no way. she said yes i am.. i was like no way. this is adult swim.
she ran for the chairs. little skirt bouncing everywhere. haha so she gets to the top, jumps in and that was it. HAHAHAHAHA there was not water in the slide!
you could hear her scruffin on the plastic trying to push herself down the dry slide ... and the whole slide shaking a vibrating a little. hahha and you could hear her giggling through the whole thing. she finally gets to the bottom where the little pool of water is and slowly skids across.shes laughing her butt off going, "theres no water in the slide!!" hahaha
well i laughed so hard i was bent over damn near peeing in my pants.
what a time.
so they had to turn the water on for us. the slide was awsome if you went on your belly and PUSHED yourself down to get going good
it was really fast!
i loved it. what a time.
were thinking about going swiming a lot more often now too. its such good exorcise. and with this heat, theres nothing else to do!

thats is for now, its almost 7:30. i gotta eat supper then go to the pool again. im trying to convince mike to come too. ill teach him how to swim!
hehe

i hope everyone is keeping cool!

xo

The story of me

Say exactly whats on your mind

While the man on the phone talks about smoking crack ..

Eyes sooo tired ....

Hello Hello? (There is no place I cannot go)

Some words of Wisdom

Love Like That

oh christmas tree oh christmas tree!

hmmmm

Big girl (you are beautiful!)

A day off

2 bowls. on the floor

2 bowls. on the floor

sooo long!

and then he left me...

When theres nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire

light another cigarette and maybe by the end of it you have changed ..

thats it

Rooftop

I really really need a raincoat ....

Letter to Robyns mom

I am leaving .. Then I will be left

For Robyn

here i am

hide my head i wanna drown my sorrow.. no tomorrow no tomorrow

birthday baby

MUST READ! who ever would have thought.. after 4 years I am just learning..

spiders

Inside me

This one is for Debbie:

The sight of you is so confusing so I take myself away...

when you're dreaming with a broken heart

Britney Spears

listen isa dont you cry..

Good Gifts

So maybe youre not as real as the others....

validation

Wise Words

LittleMissSunshine

Baby if i could keep it together, dont you think Id try?

Stop! Its SPANDEX time!

Dont you like girls? Just a little?

Dont you like girls? Just a little?

A smile like that doesnt come from a town like this

The Persute of Happyness

dakupag

a different look

I knew no one would miss me so what the hell ..

You are my home..

I had a dream that I ...

Dear Santa.. Dont even Bother ...

Nov 15, 2006

red shoe diaries

Not even smoke to fill my tummy...

rice cakes... blah

hmmm

An Observation

Well its about freekin time! it took me 2 days!

ohhh tequilla makes her clothes fall off!

Oh Greys Anatomy

at work

poem

i guess i just want some say inbetween

I figured

Hate me

hmm

head in my hands here i am standing in my bare feet..

who knows

Disease

Count those raindrops when you feel em falling down

*cause its you and me and all of the people with nothing to do*

Erotic oil rig pigs

and 350$ later....

I had a feeling I could be someone.. be someone..

weeeeeekend

Broken Inside

thats it.. they've fired me ...

popping back the advil liquid gells (jells?) those pill thingies..

Oh the weather outside is frightful!

Im gonna melt into a puddle.. then im gonna drink myself!

cause its you and me and all of the people with nothing to do